2.28.2011

I Don't Ask For Much...Well...Not Very Much...

I have a feeling that the next election is just too long for you to wait to vote for something. I bet you are just itching to cast your vote for something. Amiright? Yep. You want to be heard. You want your opinion to matter.

Do you need me to tell you what your opinion is? Okay. It is this:

Thera is awesome and should win at everything including hot dog eating contests.

Also this: Cornerstone Festival New Band Showcase...yep.

Oh, and those contests where you have to keep your hands on the truck for 24 hours without taking them off, not even once to itch your nose.

Here they are.



But, they normally look like this...



So. Check out their music, you can find it on iTunes. Their website is: this is the link to the site, click it now please.

So, that's that. If you love them, vote, and vote every day. Thanks!

And just so you know, I don't get reimbursed or anything for letting you know about one of the most awesome bands ever.

Well, I get reimbursed with love...and leftover hot dogs.

2.25.2011

I Don't Need To Know

Have you seen the new Chevy commercial where the guy goes on the date...then she kisses him...then he gets into his car...then he presses that magic do-all button on his rear view mirror...then the soothing voice says "Facebook Status Update: so and so says 'Best first date ever."

Then he smiles with that face that says, "Damn...maybe I should've gone inside."

Let's break this down. Well, not really break it down. I really one have to say one thing.

I don't ever want to listen to my "friends" Facebook status updates out loud...in my car...or anywhere really. Let's see what that would sound like:

That Girl: I really hope that you're happy bitch. Some people shouldn't spread lies about other certain people and then sleep with that certain person's boyfriend who shall remain nameless. But don't ask me about this in the comments because then there will be 38 updates from everyone else who thinks they have something to say about it.

That Guy: Duuuuuuuude. Just chillin' with the boyz. Got our dicks out swingin in the wind, drunk as hell. Bitchez should hit us up for a good time. By good time I mean getting drunk on jager and then passing out on the bathroom floor. Also, bring cab fare.

Lonely Grrrl: "Insert weird song lyrics here." This song speaks to my soul, mainly because I have no one else to speak to. So I will post random updates with random song lyrics that you may or may not know. And Hanson.

Weirdo or Your Mom: I have a huge festule on my thigh. See pic in my photo album. I think I'm just going to lance it myself. Anyone have any advice? I've now changed my profile pic to the picture of this huge puss filled sac so that you can't help but stare at it and wish that you could stop staring...but you can't...can you?

Too Young for Facebook: Why can't he just see what's here in front of him. I'm not going to wait around for him any longer. I am moving on, I have way better things to do with my life. Since I'm only 15 that means just staying home and bitching about my mom. Oh, look he's calling me finally! Boys CAN change.

Jackass: Click this link to see this awesome thing and then maybe buy it. Or maybe the link is to some sad story. Or maybe it's a chain message and if you don't post it to your facebook also then you will be abducted by alien zombies. That's right. Alien Zombies. AND something that you want to happen won't happen. So there. But be sure and click it. Don't forget.

One Word: Sleepy


So, do you think you would want to hear your "friend's" status updates on your car speaker? I don't. Hell, I don't want to hear my own status updates come out of my own mouth.

But, if you could get it to read a blog to you...that would be something else.

I don't care if you have Beiber fever!
Wait, is it contagious?

2.23.2011

Help...I'm Strapped To A Door

Have you seen this?


Here's another shot of it:

Morgan said that he and Angelo have one. Then he went on explaining to me what it was. What I heard was: door...cables...resistance...running away from door.

What I imagined was going to visit them and finding Morgan stuck to the door, wrapped up in resistance bands, upside down.

This is basically what would happen to me. Hell, anytime I get out a single resistance band to use when I workout I have a mini panic attack. Every time I stretch it out I make this face...the face you make before you pop a balloon face.

Like this...but with less adultery.

Do you have this thing? Have you had to be rescued while dangling from your legs? I won't get this thing...I'll just keep on taking half a xanax before I use my regular resistance bands.

2.18.2011

That's My Name

Customer Service Tech:  And what is your last name?

Me: Wolf

Customer Service Tech: Can you spell that for me please?

Me: W-O-L-F

Customer Service Tech: Okay, you're last name is W-L-L-F.

Me: Yep. All consonants.

2.15.2011

200 Things...Just Kidding

This is my 200th post. Should I do something special? Hmm....good question.

I could list 200 things lists..lists. Like, 200 Things I Do Before Bed, 200 Things That I Have In My Shower, 200 Things I Can Reach From Where I'm Sitting...200 Things I Ate For Breakfast.

I could do that...or I could just do the same old, same old.

I got nothin. I could blog about what everyone else is blogging about, "Who the fuck is Arcade Fire?". But, I wouldn't do that to you my friends. Mainly because I don't really know who they are, only that they did the song for the Where The Wild Things Are trailer (only because Stephanie told me, thanks friend), but I don't really give a shit because that movie is irritating, mainly because that kid is an asshole. Shannon hates it because that one guy has a...ahem...booger hanging out of his nose the "WHOLE EFFING TIME AND WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING!?".

Ooh, or I could blog about Egypt. I'm pretty sure everyone else has that covered though.

How about this, sometimes when I pull up to stop signs I put my car in park for a reason that I don't even know about. Do you do that? No. Yeah, figures.

I have an urge to go shopping. Probably because I'm broke. I have this irresistible urge to buy boots. Except, unless boots go great with mashed potatoes then I'm not getting them. What's that? They go GREAT with mashed potatoes! Right then, consider those babies purchased. "Momma, this beef is like leather."

Wow. This post has absolutely no flow and no consistent topic.

You're welcome.

2.10.2011

TV & Text Thursday's.

It’s Thursday. Do you know what this means? My evening will be spent on my elliptical (maybe...) while I enjoy the Thursday night NBC line-up.
Don’t know what that is? Seriously? Really? For real? What?

The Thursday night line-up consists of: Community, Perfect Couples, The Office, Parks & Rec, 30 Rock and Outsourced.


Life at a community college with an oddly placed group of friends. By oddly I mean perfectly.

These are my kind of people.


You must know about this show. Right?

Yes.

Better than the movie. For real.

I once called this 40 Rock (because I am sleep deprived) and Shannon slapped me across the face. With her eyes.

Watch it. Love it. Tell your friends...though, if you don’t already watch these shows then the chances are you don’t have any friends.


JK! LOL! OMG! I bet you have lots of friends. Even if others can’t see them...

I have a tradition of texting my friend Shannon (Hi Shannon!) while watching the Thursday night shows. Basically, we just text the most recent funny line that has been said then follow that text with a text full of LOL’s.

It’s how we roll. Don’t judge us. It works. Our husbands sit by and roll their eyes while we click away on our phones.


John (Shannon’s husband): Why don’t you just call her?
Shannon: No. We don’t have anything to talk about.

***

Joe: Why don’t you just call her?
Me: No. We don’t have anything to talk about. Also, we’re watching TV. Geez.


I think tonight that Stephanie will be joining in on the TV & Text tradition, yay! Welcome friend!

Ooh! That’s it. We’ll call it TV & Text Thursday’s.

Yes, I do have a life. Why do you ask?




2.04.2011

Old Habits Die Hard

I have a habit of getting vocally angry about things that other's might just shake their head at...and other times I just shake my head at things that other's go nuts over.

One of my things that I absolutely freak the hell out over? Parking. For example, this morning taking Madison to school. We pull into the parking lot and this:

Me: Will you LOOK at that? That person willfully pulled into that spot and parked that way!

Joe: Who cares?

Me: WHO CARES? I CARE! I mean, good grief. Now noone can park next to them. They did it on purpose! Look at that! And this parking lot is already limited on space and we have this bozo just parking however they see fit. I bet they're on drugs...I should call the police.

Joe: It's fine.

Me: NO it's not fine. There are other people in this world, not just them and their Jeep Cherokee. I mean, it's an utter disregard for the human race. (I never said that I was sensible...)

Joe: Amber, we're right here. Exactly where we need to be, it doesn't matter how that guy parked because look at us. Here. (This was said with a grin and a slightlly tilted head.)

Me: Ugh. There are other HUMANS IN THIS WORLD! Where's my phone, I'm taking a picture of this.