Happy New Year...it's nearly February.

I know that I've covered this before but I absolutely cannot wake up on time any day of the week. I could go to bed at 7pm and set my alarm clock for 7am giving me twelve hours of sweet delicious sleep and still hit snooze until the next day at 10am. 

And still be tired.

Meh. Whatevs.

Since it's been so long since my last post, mainly because I've been busy sleeping like a big ol' bear. I have tons of stories for you! Are you ready? Ready to be BLOWN AWAY? I'll give you a few minutes to prepare....

Alright, ready or not. Here is the story of my New Year's Eve.

Historically I have bad New Year's Eve experiences. (I struggled with that sentence just now, "New Year's Eve's?" "New Year Eve's?" "New's Year's Eve's?" "Year of the New's and Eve"?) They just never turn out well for me, it's cold here in January, I don't care about fireworks, I don't care that it's a new year, I am sad that Christmas is over, etc. This year my dear husband was off at work so I had to take the kids on the New Year excitement. Since Madison received a snowmachine for Christmas she was headed off with my sister-in-law and her husband to their lake house so she could enjoy the snowmachine. They left a day early because I had to work on New Year's Eve. Around 7:00pm I had all of our stuff packed up and Coop and I headed out to the Valley. Yuck.

The further North I drove the colder it got. By the time I arrived near the lake it was -22. That's BELOW ZERO for anyone not familiar with how temperature works. See, you put this fancy minus sign in front of the number and that means it's colder than it ever should be in a world.

I had never been to this lake house so I had to call and get them to kind of walk me through the back roads. I was told that I would turn right at the South Lake sign. I did that and ended up God knows where. I was then asked (by a man, I might add) "Did you turn at the sign or after the sign?" Um, I turned at the sign because that's what you fucking said to do. "Oh, no. You need to turn AFTER the sign. Bernadette did that last night too." Oh, really so this has happened before? Maybe you should re-think your direction giving, huh?

Then I'm told, "You're going to get on the lake...blah blah blah." I don't know what else was said because all I could think was, "on the lake?". Surely he just means "adjacent to" the lake because no one drives ON a lake, that's just dumb. It's only then that I see a drop down and I see life jacket signs, and "NO WAKE ZONE" SIGNS WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!?!? (I would also like to note that this is the time when my until now silent child has decided to start screaming bloody hell, of which he should because WE ARE DRIVING ON A SHEET OF ICE THAT IS ON TOP OF A LAKE OF WATER, by the way.)

I'm then told (by a man) that I will continue to drive and the "road" will curve to the right but I need to stay to the left....okay. I then hang up with him because it's hard for me to completely misplace my shit while talking on the phone. I spent the next 10 minutes screaming that I'm not an ice road trucker and am not trained in this and wondering if I've missed that whole road curving to the right thing because what I miss it and go the wrong way and plunge into the icy waters below!?!? 
This is my life.

I call my sister-in-law because someone with ovaries is better with directions. She tells me to ignore what the man said and to just stay on the wide road and it will bring me right to the cabin. SEE? HOW FUCKING HARD WAS THAT??? THANK YOU FEMALES EVERYWHERE FOR KNOWING WHEN TO USE JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF WORDS AND IN THE CORRECT ORDER.

I find the cabin and notice that it is way up in the air. Like. Not at ground level.

Stay tuned for the remainder of this story and how we reached the cabin and I almost died. I'm going to go crawl into a corner and maintain the fetal position because this story is my Vietnam.

So, should I just park here then?