Noone. Anyone?

It has been brought to my attention that I often write "noone" and that "noone" is not correct. That it is "no one".

I am totally aware of this. My hands on the other...umm, hand...are not aware and flat out refuse to put a space between those words. I can apologize all day long for this glaring spelling error, and believe me if anyone hates a spelling error it's me. The reason I read everything I see? To catch errors. It's a hobby. Like I was saying, I can apologize all day but that won't change anything. My stubborn thumbs will just not cooperate.

So. That is all.

This is not really a surprise...



I ventured out into the day after Thanksgiving shopping mayhem with Morgan. I didn't arrive as early as he did, but still.

One of our very, wait, no, our VERY FIRST STOP was Forever 21. We walk in the doors and they had these huge 4 foot speakers blasting terrible songs. We are immediately berated into signing up for some giveaway and are told, "We have a drawing every hour...the next drawing is in..about an hour." Fantastic! Thanks Candy!

Just as we pass by one of the sets of speakers California Gurls comes on. This is where I pause to hang my head because little did I know exactly how much the rest of my day would be affected by this moment. So, it comes on and we groan in unison because, a. it's a terrible song, and 2. it's a terrible song, and c. it's an irritating song. Do you know it? Oh, you don't? Here, click on this handy link...no, it's not a link to the song...um, it's a link to a picture of cute little puppy blowing kisses to a baby chick. Yep. That's it.

We do some shopping, hop around the mall for a bit and then head out to other places. Finally I notice that I am singing that damn song. I typically only get as far as singing California Gurls and then I say, "Shut up!" and strangers take a step back because here's this crazy person talking to her self and yelling at herself to shut up. Morgan is doing the same thing. All day. We're singing this song and then yelling at ourselves. Finally we succumb. We just sing it along with dance moves. I was corrected on the boob juggle, but hey, I'm not perfect. "No, juggle them, not just bounce them. God. Get it together."

After awhile of giving in, I started to get irritated again, but I was too tired to care. I was literally beaten down by this song. Beaten into submission by a song. It may not be the first time and I'm sure it's not the last.

That night I was sitting at home, relaxing from the long day of shopping and abuse and finally, finally the tune was out of my head.

I see I have a text message. Know what it said? Do ya? Do you wanna know?

"Cal-i-fornia Gurls are undeniable."

Thanks Morgan.

In true spirit I responded, "Daisy dukes, bikini's on top." Then I passed out.

Happy Thanksgiving

Wow. I totally lied to you and really took my time putting a new post up. My apologies friends. But, hey, it's the Holiday's so you have to forgive me. Also, presents.

I hope that your Thanksgiving was fantastic. Mine was. It was delicious and fabulous and I'm typing this with my laptop resting on my enormous belly while I eat a piece of pie with my bare hands.

I am not exaggerating. This pie is delicious and must be eaten straight out of the pie plate with your bare hands. It's better that way.

Thanksgiving this year was amazing. It snowed. Everyone was together. Mostly. Joe was at work, so sad. My step-sister and her family just moved down South so they weren't here either. Other than that, awesome.

I gave Madison her plate of food and on that plate was a dinner roll. I sat down across from her. She picked up the roll, tore it open and said to me, "A roll? Without butter? This is not a roll." It brought a tear to my eye.

We ate. Played games. Ate some more. Played games. I even had a personal friend and her kids over for dinner. Hi Shannon! She brought green bean casserole. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Green bean casserole, same old same old." Well, shut your face. This was not "same old, same old green bean casserole". This casserole had pizzazz, it had grace, it had flair, it also had chicken and cheese. Know what else it has? My heart, my love, my respect.

That was that. Nothing too crazy. Noone went nuts and got drunk and ran out naked in the snow...

Or did they? Hmmm?

I guess you'll never know.

So, happy belated Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Those two pies at the bottom of the picture. Yep. Those are mine.


Here I Am!

You can stop looking for me now. I'm right here. You silly.

I know you've missed me but don't you worry. I haven't forgotten about you. I've only forgotten everything else. Like...for example...I don't know, but I have.

I will have a more thorough post for you later...maybe today...maybe tomorrow...I can't promise things I'm too busy writing letters of complaint and letters to Santa. Note: the letters of complaint are not going to Santa, these are two separate letter writing ventures.

Until then, here's this.

Right after this Madison told me a butt joke and Cooper rubbed his food into his hair.


Happy Halloween

Well, now it's November, so Happy November! How was your Halloween? Was it everything you dreamed and hoped for?

Did your Leg Avenue costume come in the mail on time? Sorry. That was harsh.

When I see those costumes I actually cringe. Is there no imagination left in the world? I wouldn't mind if it was a sexy moon fairy costume if at least it had been put together piece by piece and didn't come out of a bag. A whore bag. Oops. Sorry again.

I was Flo. The Progressive Insurance Lady. I had to clarify because someone mistook me for Flo from that show Alice.

Guy: Oh, I thought you were Flo from that show…what was it, from the 70s?

Me: Alice?

Guy: That show with the waitress, Alice and the diner…


Guy: Yeah, Alice. I thought you were Flo, from that show.


Momma: Ooh. Indignant.



This coming from a man in no costume. Thanks for showing up and bringing your 'A' game, dude.