You already know that I'm easily scared...as shown here, here...and here. There's not much I can do about it - I guess conditioning might work. I could go live in a haunted house for a year and I'll come out with nerves of steel. I will also be a psychopath.

Recently Coop decided to throw a fit all night long (turns out he was sick) and keep me up fetching him water and blocks of gold. After being up most of the night laying next to a toddler that is apparently made of elbows and spastic tendencies I finally drifted off. I was hanging on for dear life to the edge of the bed since a King size bed is just big enough for a 2-year-old.

Someone whispers in my ear. I shot up and out of bed so fast that all of the bedding came with me, there I stood in attack mode (read: defense mode) glaring around the room for the offender (read: witch). I say witch, because this happened recently:

It's true.

There's no one around. I re-make the bed and try to sleep with my eyes open - I'm not great at it. I went on about my day as normal, scared of everything. The next morning...it happens again. The voice didn't wake me up entirely I just knew it was there and it scared me but my sleepiness out weighed my need to evacuate the room. I also knew that it was the creepiest voice I had ever heard but I couldn't figure out WHAT she was saying. It was just scary.

I thought perhaps it was my new alarm clock app on my phone. I checked all of the settings, nope - no "ghost witch" capability. I set my alarm for a few minutes later so I could listen to it, I thought maybe if a certain amount of time passed without turning it off a voice would come on and say "wake the fuck up". Nope, that wasn't it either.

The next morning I actually woke up a few seconds before it happened. I lay there groggy and I hear "There is a secret." hissed into my earhole. HISSED. I jumped out of bed and stared at my phone, that's where it was coming from. I wondered if the warranty covered demon possession...hmm. I drank my coffee while staring at the clearly possessed cell phone when it dawned on me - I recently installed The Secret app. 

You know, The Secret - book, movie, inspiration, life changing, yada yada. Well, I have it set up to remind me to read my daily "secret". Apparently they decided the best way to remind their customers to read a secret is to have a demon ghost whisper it to them. It disturbed me so much that I had to leave a glowing review:

(click the picture to see the entire image)
Please go to the app store from your phone and mark my review as helpful...the world needs it.



Welp, it's time for a blog update - as in, an update to my overall look right here on this blog. It's been a few years since I've updated.

So, stay tuned for that shit to kick in.

In other news, my stepsister is back up and blogging - Sarah!


Do you tweet? If so, do you also follow me on Twitter?

If you answered yes, well then - Thanks! If you answered no, well then - What the fuck? Why the hell don't you follow me? Do you not like my tweets? Do you not like to read hilarious things that I saw about stuff you don't even care about?

Fine then.

If you do follow me and are looking for more super sexy and funny people to follow here are a few of my favorites as of late.

I favorite pretty much everything Kasey Anderson tweets...
he's probably the funniest person that I don't know.


Momma Said

This will be going over on the "Momma" page, but I love it so much that I'm putting it here first.

Momma: Yeah, she spent a few years in Antarctica. There's a ton of people there working all living together in this one huge place. There are penguins.

Me: What do they do there?

Momma: Mill around, I guess.

Me: *blink* Not the penguins. The people.

These penguins are milling around.
In case you didn't know what that looks like.