Conspiracy Theory

Remember when I bought that pepper spray, the one with maybe enough bursts to withstand 25 attackers? No? Then read about it here. You should really keep track of these important things, there may be a test.

Alright then, I am armed with pepper spray at all times. Right? Right. So, I'm safe, right?

Nope.

Apparently someone may put me in the trunk of my rental car.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. I have a rental car because something is wrong with something in the engine of my car so they have to work on it. I don't know exactly what's wrong with it because I have a vagina and apparently mechanics aren't allowed to use them car parts words around my delicate ears.

They graciously loaned me a rental car that was about one inch bigger than a clown car. When I opened up the trunk to put a pallet of diapers in there I noticed something peculiar. A plastic, glow-in-the-dark tag attached to a small rope. This tag had a diagram on it. A diagram of an open trunk and a person that obviously jumped out of the trunk after being held captive in there for hours, maybe days. He was starving and covered in pee. I can't blame him, I mean your stuck in there, it doesn't stop your bladder from functioning, you still have to pee.

I stood there for a long time just looking at it wondering how many times people have filed complaints after being locked in the trunks of a Ford Focus. I wonder if they receive the complaints via survey or phone call?

It must happen more often than I thought, for them to employ some sort of system for getting out on your own with detecting a lot of attention from your captors. Maybe it's standard issue nowadays, hell if I know. Maybe kidnappers now have to look for this feature when buying a car. "Oh, this one has a release in the trunk...do you have anything with an unescapable trunk, perhaps in blue?"

Oh yeah, I took a picture of it. You're welcome.

Johnny Four Fingers

Sitting on the couch this morning feeding Cooper I was drawn into this morning cartoon, Umizoomi. I'll give you a moment to say it out loud, it's super fun.

All of a sudden something hit me and I did what I usually do and just blurt out whatever is in mah hayud. (my head for those of you who aren't my husband or friends)

"Why do they only have 4 fingers? I mean, is it that hard to just draw one more freaking finger? Would it add hours to the animator's day? Would it inevitably throw the earth off it's axis therefore ending this world as we know it? Is there some sort of subliminal message being portrayed to our children by having them watch character's with only four fingers?"

Joe: Blank stare. (typical look given when words are escaping my pie hole)

He then folds his thumbs down and proceeds to wave his creepy four-fingered hands in my face. Do it, it's creepy.

If you do a Google search for "why do cartoon character's have only 4 fingers", the results are a bunch of asshole's saying things like, "I only have four-fingers, how many do you have?", "last time I checked humans only had four fingers...derrr".

Whatever, Assy McAsses.

So, then you have to search "why don't cartoon character's have anatomoically correct hands". Good grief, the simplest thing.

THEN, you get a whole bunch of people with a hell of a lotta time on their HANDS (garsh I'm funny) with these long drawn out explanations of cartoon hands and the original cartoons and so on and on and on.

I'm not that invested in my question to read all of that. So, maybe I really don't care. Like I said, I don't ask the questions, I just open my mouth and my brain falls out.