Is This the Month of June?

It must be. I mean, it can't be December right? It can't be the week of Christmas. Nope. No way. No how. Right?

Oh, am I the only one that has noticed this? There haven't been ANY decent Christmas movies on TV. NONE. Sure, I have a few Christmas movies on DVD, but that's not the point. I think right after Thanksgiving I saw that Elf was on, so I DVR'd it. A week or two ago there were a few Christmas specials on the local channels (Charlie Brown, Shrek, etc.)

But now? IT'S THE WEEK OF CHRISTMAS! This blatant disregard for the holiday had me in a rage...poor Joe was the recipient of said rage.

Me: Let's find a Christmas movie to watch!

Joe: Okay. Sure.

Me: (flipping through all 1,654 channels....flip, flip, flip, flip.)

Me: (now checking the On Demand channels...flip, flip, flip, flip.) What the hell is this?

Joe: What?

Me: There are NO Christmas movies on!!

Joe: What about "random movie name here"? That's a good movie.

Me: IS IT A CHRISTMAS MOVIE JOSEPH?! IS IT?! No.

4 hours later...

Joe: (flipping through channels...flip, flip, flip) He stops on Big...then puts on Doc Hollywood.

Me: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!? DO THEY NOT REALIZE THAT IT IS 2 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND THEY ARE PLAYING THIS SHIT!

Joe: This is a good movie...

Me: YEAH, ANY OTHER DAY OF THE EFFING YEAR! THIS IS CHRISTMAS! WHERE IS CHRISTMAS VACATION? WHERE IS RUDOLPH? WHERE IS FROSTY?

I don't have the time or space to continue with my entire diatribe...but it went on for a while. So long in fact, that Joe removed himself from within my flailing arm range, went to pee, came back out and I was still going on.

Me: AND ANOTHER EFFING THING, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP ABOUT THEM PLAYING WHITE CHRISTMAS ONLY ON FRIDAY MORNING AND ON AN HD CHANNEL!?!?

I am proud to say that I have calmed down considerably since then...though I am still in a funk about the whole thing.

Oh, Clark. I miss your face.

A Gift Guide of Sorts

Well, it's almost Christmas and shame on me for not already giving you ideas for things that you can buy for me people that you love. I mean, there you are sitting patiently waiting for me to fill your mind with wonderful gifts that perhaps myself your family and friends will love. I have put together the categories (gamer, cook, teen, etc.) and have consulted people that I know experts for items that  I  your loved ones may love. Some of these things may not seem like the "perfect" gift but they may be things that are deemed necessary for the particular recipient's arsenal. Perhaps, package them with other things...wait, I'll just point these out as I get to them, sheesh. You're just making things complicated.

GAMER

These recommendations come from Erin. She and her husband Jake do things like build their own house, raise a super cute dog, work out together and walk around being adorable. When she tells me stories I always picture them in Allie Brosh comic fashion. It's appropriate.

Gamer Mouse

No, this isn't a little mouse that you can get from the pet store and bring home and it will play games with you...I checked.

You can do things like add weights, it gives you more control over movement. It has an on-board memory to save your profiles. The laser is amazing. No, not like a laser...like 'pew pew', more like a move the cursor here and here laser....I checked. AND hyper fast scrolling!

You don't necessarily have to get this brand, shop around, see what you would like to give. This one is $69.99 on one site that I looked at, but be sure and shop around.

(What? You thought I would just do ALL the work. Come on.)

BOOK LOVER

These recommendations come from me. HA! You didn't think I read books did you? Well, I do. So, there.

Kindle

Yep. Sorry. I have been against these for a long time but then Morgan received one for his birthday and...it.is.awesome.

 The screen looks like a page out of a book, so easy on the eyes. You can highlight a word and get the definition. It's really great for someone who like to read at night in the bed, no struggling with hard back books or folding back the covers of paper back ones, or flipping back and forth to give each arm a rest. (You haven't noticed that I complain about menial things? You must not be paying attention.)

OH MY GOSH! Do you see this huge space here...I cannot get rid of it. Sorry folks. It's making me crazy and there is not reason why this huge gap is here between this category and the next. So dumb.

PEOPLE WITH HAIR

Do you know anyone with hair? I'll wait while you check your list...

Okay. So, I love having good hair...it doesn't happen everyday, but when it does (and I hope you agree) it is glorious. Ah, a good hair day. This recommendation comes from Angelo, he's a stylist in Anchorage, he loves Morgan, he enjoys Harry Potter and being awesome. The product he recommends is something that everyone should have. Now, I'm not sure if everyone would appreciate shine spray in their stocking (I would) but you could always package it with something else that your recipient may be pining for, a fancy flat iron? A gift card to a local salon? You do the thinking, I'm tired.

Glossing Mist

It's a spray that makes hair shiny. You should buy a case of it. 

What else do you want me to say? Spray. Shine. Have a great day.

MUSIC LOVER

Do you know me a music lover? I hope so. I love music and I love my friends that also love music. Stephanie for instance. Not only does she love music, have great hair, have an impeccable ear for fabulous music,  and wear fantastic sweaters,  but she also makes music. Uh yeah. Friend jackpot. Her band is pretty fantastic, so are her band mates, one of which is her own husband. I pride myself on my awesome friends...also my children...um, yep.

Bose Headphones

Good headphones are necessary. According to Stephanie, Bose headphones are great for listening to rock, blues, jazz, acoustic or country music.

There is nothing like listening to music and having it delivered perfectly into your earholes like there is a tiny band sitting inside your ear canal...but not playing too loudly as to damage your hearing. Listen responsibly.

Oh, you know would sound great in your earholes? This CD...get it, love it.


COOKS AND HOME LOVERS
Cooks and home lovers? I know this is a weird group...but these are things that this particular expert deems necessary for those who love to cook and love to decorate their home.

This recommendation comes from Momma. She is probably the best cook ever...except for that one time when she was using some shortcut for Chicken and Dumplings that she found on the packaging that the bathroom trash can came in. It involved flour tortillas. Our lives where changed forever, and not that good kind of change where our hearts grew two sizes or anything. Her home is beautiful and I'm always stealing things when she's not looking...ideas, yeah, stealing ideas. She's one of the funniest people that I know and I (plus Morgan) are pretty much the luckiest kids ever.

I asked for one thing and since Momma doesn't like rules or directions, she gave about fifty things. For the home she recommends having a bag to keep all necessary items that you need around the house: decorator's bag (visit thirtyone.com/15607 for this...shameless plug), small hammer, measuring tape, pad/pencil, a box with nails and screws, crafting wire, glue gun, glue sticks, double back tape, and cup hooks. These are fairly inexpensive items and a great collection of gifts, especially if you know a new homeowner, or me.

For the kitchen she recommends these necessities (all of which make excellent stocking stuffer's as well): garlic press, herb scissors, small sifter, zester grater, basting brush, finger peeler, and flour sack towels. Momma LOVES her flour sack towels and after Thanksgiving at her house, I love them too. So absorbent!

ANYONE ELSE?

Oh, you have more people on your list that aren't gamers, book lovers, music lovers, cook's or people without hair? Sheesh. This is way more work than I thought it would be.

I love ModCloth. I can easily find something for everyone that I know on this site, and about 7500 things for myself. 

Don't forget the Etsy shops! I find some of the cutest things there. Christmas is coming so if you're doing any shopping online be sure to confirm that it will arrive in time, you wouldn't want me you're family to not have any presents under the tree!

Good luck and happy shopping!

Nintendo Sixty-Fooooooouuuuuuur. Yes.

I'm sure that you've all seen the N64 kid. I was only just introduced to the video 4 days ago, like, a million years after everyone else. Believe me, I've made up for lost time by watching it over and over and over and over.

I have yet to tire of it, I hope I never do.

In case you haven't seen it.



Okay, so it's a brother/sister team on Christmas morning. They've gotten to the big gift, the one they've been waiting for. Sister is dressed in a purple tutu and is holding a purple headdress in her hand. Brother is busy fuh-reaking out while unwrapping the N64. (By the way, this is EXACTLY how I reacted when I got my Super Nintendo...so, yeah.) At one point Brother accidentally grabs Sister's headdress while ripping paper off of the box and you hear her utter a "Hey." As in, "Watch what the fuck you're doing you asshole."

Then the real fun begins, Brother begins screaming AT the box. AT THE BOX. Then, a slow motion screaming segment. I am a sucker for these. Next, more screaming right in the boxes face, take that you, you, box. Then he starts doing some sort of interpretive hand dance on the box, Sister tries to join in but her hands are simply not enough compared to Brother's. Plus, she's still holding that damn headdress. It's clear to see where her allegiance lies.

That's when Brother begins a yelling and fist throwing segment I refer to as "N64 Jersey Shore", again, Sister's attempts at appearing as excited as her elder brother are futile and frankly a little embarrassing. She gives up towards the end and starts admiring her headdress again.

Brother says, breathlessly, "Now we can go get games from Blockbuster!" Awesome, kid. Mom jumps up, perhaps to go cry, and tells him that now he can open that other present. This cast away present was probably grabbed 5 times during the morning only to be met with, "No, don't open that one yet." Meaning that it has something to do with the amazing N64, right? I know that in his mind, he's thinking "GAMES, GAMES, GAMES, GAMES."

He opens it, while Sister, AGAIN, tries to act like this means something to her by hugging the box, "My dreams have come..."  then Brother says, "It's a N64...remote...controlled...car..." Yep. It sure is. Have fun with that while you're inside playing your video games.

We are left with one more magnificent slow-mo scream. I cannot get enough of it. I wish that when I screamed it would come out like that....I think I'll start making that happen.

Merry Christmas!

It was "Baby's 1st Christmas" this year and it was a good one. Since neither of us are working, me by current maternal duty, him by...well, no choice of his own, we didn't go over-board like usual. It was nice. Madison got what she asked for, Joe went over our $100 budget for eachother (which was actually supposed to be a $50 budget) and I got Joe the things he asked for therefore he guessed every thing under the tree before he unwrapped it and in the process ruined Christmas.

Every year Morgan spends the night on Christmas Eve and he bakes cookies with Madison and we watch movies. On Christmas morning we unwrap presents and then head to momma's house to open presents and spend the day playing games and eating. I always get some sort of board game that I'd been wanting and we play. Mammaw attempts to play, she will yell out her answer about five minutes past her turn and her answer will be to a question that was asked three turns ago. This has me doubled over in laughter and her confused as hell. Momma has to have the instructions read and explained to her at least two times, we usually give up and give it a trial run. We hardly ever finish a game, we are worn out from laughter or someone pees their pants. I'm not naming any names...Morgan.

This Christmas Eve we had the new little one and on this night he chose to not sleep. At all. At about 5am I got to sleep for almost two hours and that was it. So, by the time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at 6pm on Christmas day I looked like I had been beaten about the eyes with a club. My eyes were open, you just couldn't see them beyond the luggage that had taken place below them.

Besides the sleep deprivation, Christmas was great. Christmas is always great, I love giving gifts and seeing the excitement on Madison's face on Christmas morning. I am usually the first one up due to the excitement and I have to wake her up! Incredible.

Wanna know what I got for Christmas? Do ya? I received a $50 iTunes giftcard, Black hi-top Chuck's (desperately needed these), a few games, Band Hero for my DS, pajama's, Grey's Anatomy Season 5, book light, scrapbooking supplies, babysitting certificates (thanks Morgie!).

I hope everyone had a great holiday (whatever religious or non-religious affilitation you may be). This is an equal opportunity blog.