Boo!....Wait...

As you must know by now I love to scare people. I'm also very very very terrible at it. So terrible in fact that...well, just really bad. 1 of 2 things always happens: 1. By the time the victim is near enough for me to scare them I am laughing so hard that they can't possibly be scared of anything except for my sanity. 2. By the time the victim is near enough for me to scare them I am laughing so hard that they can't possibly be scared of anything except for my sanity.

Okay. Those were both the same things, because that's what happens every time.

Well. Yesterday that was going to change. I was at work, minding my own business when Erin walks up and says hi to me while standing at the door. I say hi back and that's when I knew! I could jump at her at the window that she'll pass as she walks down the hall! YES! I have her! She leaves the doorway and I give it about 2 seconds and then I jump into my standard scare stance. Picture it: feet spread apart, knees bent, hands up in attack position, face held in "GAH!" position. Basically, I look like a moron.

I stand there for about 2 seconds...and then think, "What the he..." That's when I hear it, her laughter. Her laughter at me standing there like a moron. She says that it was so fun being able to see me think that I was going to scare her and how my face was all excited...then confused when she never walked by. Instead of walking down the hall, she decided to wait a second and go back to the door. You know, because I'm so effing predictable.

30 minutes later we were talking, and in mid conversation she yells "GAH!". I'll be honest, I jumped.

I'm the worst.

Topic Generator

I discovered a topic generator while I was racking my spent brain for something to write about. Yay! Even less work for me to do. Also, I always have great fuel for my blog but I usually forget as soon as it comes to me. Then I have to go somewhere, then I start dancing, then I trip and fall, then I am late to where I'm going but I get to use my favorite excuse, "Sorry I'm late, I was dancing and I fell." Honest to God.

Where was I? Topic Generator.

Well, guess what? This things a genius. First of all the first 5 times I hit the button it gave me topics that I've already talked about. So, maybe I'm the genius not the generator. Wow. I am smarter than a generator, right? Maybe not.

One of the topics was "Checking Your Closets Before Going To Bed". Which we all know that I do just that, except I also check them when I come home from work, from the store, from my mom's house and after using the bathroom or taking a shower. This reminded me of something that I wanted to tell you. I have an awesome kid. Remember the post about my family and how we scare the shit out of eachother whenever we get the chance? Sure you do. It's right here. So. Turns out Madison has honed this skill. She practices everyday and my wracked nerves and hair loss is the evidence of this. She has even taken Joe's talent of actually standing in front of me and while I look at her she yells out "Gaaah!" and then I scream and crumple into a pile at her feet. Then I hug her and say, "That's my girl".

So, you and your kids do crafts? Garden together? Sew? Well, suck it and BOO! Gotcha.

It's a Family Tradition

Most families have traditions. We have quite a few, like we always open one present on Christmas Eve, momma still wraps presents to me and Morgan from Santa Claus, we decorate the tree together every year, on Thanksgiving we get to pick a dessert, my mom's cornbread dressing is a tradition in itself. We also have another family tradition of sorts, we like to scare the shit out of eachother.

I'm not sure when it started, I remember it a lot when I was a teenager but it may have even started when I was much younger. Typically it's the hide behind the door type of scare. My mammaw (she is in her eighties now) would hide behind a door or crouch down behind a chair for as long as she had to, probably didn't help her arthritis but she didn't care. Momma likes to wait outside of your bedroom door or bathroom door and as you open it she screams and bangs on it really loud, my brother likes this method as well. Madison likes to hide around corners or in closets, yes, the 6-year old partakes in the tradition. I have felt a mother's guilt for literally scaring the piss out of her on occasion. Just the one time, calm down. Joe will try and scare me on occasion, he typically uses the hide behind the door method. Other times he takes it to a whole new level and sneaks into the house and then when I hear stuff in the house I call him to see if he's the one making the noise and he tells me that no, he isn't home yet. This method is unacceptable. This method will eventually get 911 called on it.

My reaction to being scared is always a great topic of conversation. The stance I usally take is hands up by head, scream, put one knee into my stomach and crouch into a ball. FYI: This is ineffective in the event of a real attack. I will most certainly be killed if there is ever an actual "bad-guy" hiding in my bathroom.

My method of "scaring" is equally ineffective. I'll paint a picture for you with a recent situation. At momma's house, I see her walk out to the garage so I take my chance and hide behind a corner. While standing there with my hands up in attack position (why? I don't know) I of course start picturing her scared reaction and that makes me giggle a little inside. Well, that little inside giggle eventually erupts into pure hysteria and by the time she makes it back from the garage I am halfway to an unrecognizable heap on the floor. She walks by and the look on her face is pure confusion, and disappointment. I mean, here I am, heir to the throne and I can't even mutter out a "gotcha!"? Useless.

I also had the same situation with Morgan recently. I was already on the floor this time because I was going to grab his ankles as he walked by, bad move. By the time he walked by I was laughing hysterically and pawing at his legs. His reaction was similar to what it would be like to walk past a pile of dog shit, step to the side slowly and look down in disgust.