Cinema - Spoilers contained within. You've been notified.

It's been awhile since I've shared my thoughts on movies that I've watched. Let's do that today!

Playing For Keeps

This movie is about a soccer player (Gerard Butler) who...I don't know....doesn't play soccer anymore? Moves to be closer to his son, begins coaching his sons soccer team because the current coach has a condition that requires his phone to be attached to his ear constantly also he's fat and sucks at being a kids soccer team coach. Then stuff happens...and it was annoying.

From the moment the movie starts you know exactly what's going to happen - which I hate. Within 15 minutes I was able to spout off each direction the movie was going to go and who was going to sleep with Gerard Butler's character...who could blame them though - amiright?!

The only reason to watch this movie is to see the star of the show - Gerard Butler's hair. It's glorious and amazing and luscious and beautiful. If you don't care about his hair, then don't watch this movie. It's lame. The End.

 

Olympus Has Fallen

 

This one is basically a combination of Air Force One...but on the ground and Die Hard all wrapped up in a neat, bloody package and I loved it. It was pretty easy to guess who the bad guys were going to be but I didn't mind that too much - it wasn't a secret for long. Gerard Butler (are you noticing a theme here...?) plays a Secret Service Agent and then an Ex-Secret Service Agent who super, really bad wants to be Secret Service Agent again. Blah, blah, blah - people storm The White House, hilarity ensues, blood, knives, guns...lots of guns, tunnels, Navy Seals, Morgan Freeman.

There was a scene that I swear they took directly from Die Hard. I even said it out loud in the theater. "This is Die Hard."

I'm not going into much detail here - I'll just say it was a good movie, I'd watch it again. It really makes you want to save the world, y'know? Afterwards you sit back and think - I could totally do that. Then you look down at the popcorn that has fallen at your feet and the nacho cheese that you accidentally wiped on your pants and you think again. Boy, do you think again.

Get it? Because they're falling.

 

 

 

Movies I've Seen Lately

I watch movies frequently, as you already know. I've done one of these lists before, as you already know. If you don't know, then feel free to check out my last movie breakdown here.

Wristcutters: A Love Story: If you can stand to watch a very dark comedy about the after life of people that commit suicide then this is the film for you. If you can stand to watch a movie that has an actress in it that in real life named her son Audio Science, then this is definitely the film for you. I really enjoyed it. Right up until about five minutes before the very end. I won't give it away, just in case you haven't seen it. But, prepare yourself. For. Nothing. And maybe some spinning around in space. Okay, that's all I'm going to say. And this.

Say "cheese"!

The Broken Hearts Club: Um. I loved this movie. It's a love story centered around a group of gay male friends. I'm not sure exactly how many, if any, of the actors that portrayed gay men were in fact actually gay. I know for a fact that one of them isn't. And I swear on all that is holy if you ever tell me that he is, I will punch you in the face. Okay. Aside from that. It was a lovely movie, a refreshing love story and the love story comes from a place that you don't expect.

What? This is a totally legitimate baseball team.

When Strangers Appear: I caught this flick on Lifetime during one of my Saturday afternoon laundry-fests. By laundry I mean sitting on the couch. This movie took about $15 to make. The main story seemed like a good idea...but that all goes down the drain when you realize that  *SPOILER ALERT* when the movie is over you have no clue what was going on or the reason behind it. That's right. The credits roll and you look around like maybe you've been Punk'd. (It's been years humanity, can we stop using that term now? We could call it 'Amber'd' but that would mean that before the trick happened I would have to show up and giggle right before and perhaps roll around on the floor.) So, I suggest seeing this movie if you can stand to be left not knowing. Anything.

The Sandlot 2: Stop it.

 Seriously. Don't watch this.

Movies

I've been watching some movies lately, not all of them have been brand new but I thought I would just give a rundown into what I've been subjecting my brain to as of late.

The Expendables: Sylevester Stallone called his friends and said, "Hey. Let's, uh, make a movie. We're gonna jump out of things and shoot stuff. Just us guys, one rule though, Mickey and I are the only ones that get to take our shirts off. Jason, keep yours on. Right now, put it back on. Do you own a shirt?" And that was the end of civilization as we knew it. The only, and I mean the ONLY reason I went to see that movie was to see Jason Statham and the inevitable shirtless moment...that never happened.

This is not from The Expendables. Sadly.

Abandoned: This is one of Brittany Murphy's last movie's. I watched it in tribute. It was pretty bad. I've noticed with some films that the last thing that they pay any attention to is hair and makeup, let me tell you, this is a mistake. Unless, they did focus on hair and make up here, in that case...mistake. Another thing they didn't pay attention to was detail. I don't know about you but talking on a phone while holding it right side up is a pretty important detail. But, that's just me.

You may not be able to tell from here, but that phone is upside down.

A Perfect Getaway: Timothy Olyphant. Do I need to say more? Didn't think so.

He's in this movie. Watch it. Then watch it again.

Human Centipede: Are you crazy? I'm not going to watch that!

I realize that this is not a centipede, but I am not about to put a picture of a centipede here. Plus, his voice is the voice that I give Bocephus sometimes.

Various Lifetime Movies: Women/Husbands/Girlfriends/Boyfriends/Daughters/Sons/Men/Wives/ Mothers/Fathers/Aunts/Uncles/Brothers/Sisters/Cousins/ were beaten/kidnapped/murdered/lied to/cheated on/cheated with/maimed/robbed/deceived/ victimized/arrested/sold/bought/stalked.

What?

I Love You, Man: I could pretty much put this DVD in my player, press repeat and then live a long happy life.

"I will see you there or I will see you on another time."

That was very confusing. I don't know if you're gonna come or not?

No, I'll be there. I'll be there.

A Team: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper. Yes please.

I wish there was a way to take Liam's personality and put it in Bradley Cooper's body...or, wait, no.

Avatar: Actually, I haven't seen this, but I've seen Fern Gully...soooo.

Same thing, right?