Yes, Please Do That

I love it when you are driving behind me and I put my blinker on to switch lanes and you jump your fat ass over into the lane before me so you can get ahead of me. Then you drive 5 miles per hour slower than everyone else.

I fucking love it when you do that exact thing.

You are my hero.

Asshole.

Yes, Please Do That

Please, please I am begging you! This is what I want you to do:

In the morning, when I am really irritable and I'm trying to get myself ready and a 5-year old, I want you to gobble up all of your dog food as loud as you can. Yes, as LOUDLY as you can. THEN, don't forget to do this part! Then I want you to walk to the bathroom where I am and stand next to me and smack your mouth! Smack it like your life depends on it, just really work that tongue all around your mouth and make as much mouth-smacking noise as possible.

Because I love it when you do that exact thing.

Yes, Please Do That

While turning left on the green arrow please back up all of the cars behind you by stopping in the middle of the fucking intersection for no apparent reason. Other than you are a complete moron.

I love it when you do that.

Yes, Please Do That.

As you are making a right hand turn into a parking lot, come to a complete effing stop before turning.

I love it when you do that.