Movies

I've been watching some movies lately, not all of them have been brand new but I thought I would just give a rundown into what I've been subjecting my brain to as of late.

The Expendables: Sylevester Stallone called his friends and said, "Hey. Let's, uh, make a movie. We're gonna jump out of things and shoot stuff. Just us guys, one rule though, Mickey and I are the only ones that get to take our shirts off. Jason, keep yours on. Right now, put it back on. Do you own a shirt?" And that was the end of civilization as we knew it. The only, and I mean the ONLY reason I went to see that movie was to see Jason Statham and the inevitable shirtless moment...that never happened.

This is not from The Expendables. Sadly.

Abandoned: This is one of Brittany Murphy's last movie's. I watched it in tribute. It was pretty bad. I've noticed with some films that the last thing that they pay any attention to is hair and makeup, let me tell you, this is a mistake. Unless, they did focus on hair and make up here, in that case...mistake. Another thing they didn't pay attention to was detail. I don't know about you but talking on a phone while holding it right side up is a pretty important detail. But, that's just me.

You may not be able to tell from here, but that phone is upside down.

A Perfect Getaway: Timothy Olyphant. Do I need to say more? Didn't think so.

He's in this movie. Watch it. Then watch it again.

Human Centipede: Are you crazy? I'm not going to watch that!

I realize that this is not a centipede, but I am not about to put a picture of a centipede here. Plus, his voice is the voice that I give Bocephus sometimes.

Various Lifetime Movies: Women/Husbands/Girlfriends/Boyfriends/Daughters/Sons/Men/Wives/ Mothers/Fathers/Aunts/Uncles/Brothers/Sisters/Cousins/ were beaten/kidnapped/murdered/lied to/cheated on/cheated with/maimed/robbed/deceived/ victimized/arrested/sold/bought/stalked.

What?

I Love You, Man: I could pretty much put this DVD in my player, press repeat and then live a long happy life.

"I will see you there or I will see you on another time."

That was very confusing. I don't know if you're gonna come or not?

No, I'll be there. I'll be there.

A Team: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper. Yes please.

I wish there was a way to take Liam's personality and put it in Bradley Cooper's body...or, wait, no.

Avatar: Actually, I haven't seen this, but I've seen Fern Gully...soooo.

Same thing, right?

A Day.

Today is a day. What a fucking day. I am in desperate need of unlimited amounts of cash and patience and if it's not too much trouble a pair of Tom's shoes in red, size 8. Thanks.

Cooper has been doing this "screaming slash squeeling slash hey look, momma's ears are bleeding" thing. It has me on the edge of world and at the brink of insanity. I have tried a few things to get him to stop this "behavior", that's what the pediatrician calls it. "It's a behavior, he's nine months old, what are you going to do? He'll stop it soon enough." What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Doc. You have no idea.

First I tried ignoring it. Then I tried this thing where I yell back, then he yells, then I yell, then he yells, then Madison says, "Soooo, do you want me to yell also?"

Before I start getting your comments about colic and about needs and about whatever else, let me just explain it. He's not crying. He's screaming. He likes the sound of his own yell. He doesn't necessarily want or need anything obvious when he does it. I don't give him anything when he screams, I try desperately to not even give him a reaction but sometimes after sporadic yelling for 10 minutes and my hair is starting to drop out in clumps I have to say something. Anything. Sometimes it's just a sound effect. My house sounds are "EEEEEEEEE" (that's Cooper) and "BLERRRRGGHHH" (that's me). Our neighbors must think that we are lunatics.

Yesterday I tried this thing where I would just talk to him and say things like, "Oh, yelling? That's totally fine. Go ahead, yell. It's cool. I'm cool. We're all cool." Then the more he would yell, the more indignant I would get until finally I could hear my dad's fits of laughter coming up from downstairs and I yelled "It's not FUNNY" and threw myself on the floor. That's how I roll.

Other than that I have the basic mind numbing, life shattering, irritants. Bills, and lots of them. They just don't stop, and just when I think I have paid the bills and minimum payments for the month I get a phone call or a letter saying, "Hey, pay this shit or we're coming over there and you don't want us to come over there, cuz we're all gangster and we will turn off your gas, ma'am." Fuck. I just remembered I need to pay the gas bill.

Today I cancelled a dentist appointment because it would've cost me over $800 and I love the look that the receptionist/dental hygienist gave me because I didn't just have $800 lying around in wait for the day I needed a fucking crown. If I'm paying almost $900 for a crown, that bitch better have diamonds and rubies and come with a throne and some minions.

By The Way

I didn't mention this weeks ago, probably because I didn't want it to be true. Denial, it's a beautiful thing.

Joe was laid off again. He has now been out of work for about 3 and a half weeks.

Now you know some of the reason for my lack of hilarious and entertaining blog posts. Not only do I have a newborn baby in my household but I am in constant company of my dear spouse. He has been an amazing help with Madison and the new wee one but I just can't write when he's sitting around me. All day. Every day. All of it.

So, we are both not working, we have a newborn, a dog that eats loudly all day, a kindergartner who all of a sudden has to move constantly, it's a snowstorm outside and Christmas is next week.

Oh, I forgot to ask. How are you doing?