TV & Text Thursday's.

It’s Thursday. Do you know what this means? My evening will be spent on my elliptical (maybe...) while I enjoy the Thursday night NBC line-up.
Don’t know what that is? Seriously? Really? For real? What?

The Thursday night line-up consists of: Community, Perfect Couples, The Office, Parks & Rec, 30 Rock and Outsourced.

Life at a community college with an oddly placed group of friends. By oddly I mean perfectly.

These are my kind of people.

You must know about this show. Right?

Yes.

Better than the movie. For real.

I once called this 40 Rock (because I am sleep deprived) and Shannon slapped me across the face. With her eyes.

Watch it. Love it. Tell your friends...though, if you don’t already watch these shows then the chances are you don’t have any friends.

JK! LOL! OMG! I bet you have lots of friends. Even if others can’t see them...

I have a tradition of texting my friend Shannon (Hi Shannon!) while watching the Thursday night shows. Basically, we just text the most recent funny line that has been said then follow that text with a text full of LOL’s.

It’s how we roll. Don’t judge us. It works. Our husbands sit by and roll their eyes while we click away on our phones.


John (Shannon’s husband): Why don’t you just call her?
Shannon: No. We don’t have anything to talk about.

***

Joe: Why don’t you just call her?
Me: No. We don’t have anything to talk about. Also, we’re watching TV. Geez.


I think tonight that Stephanie will be joining in on the TV & Text tradition, yay! Welcome friend!

Ooh! That’s it. We’ll call it TV & Text Thursday’s.

Yes, I do have a life. Why do you ask?




Twix = Amnesty

Have you been watching, nay, enjoying these Twix commercials as of late? "Oh no" you say, "she's watching commercials again..." Again? I haven't stopped, I've just been sparing you the gory details. MATTRESS RANCH! BIG BOB'S FLOORING! GIANT DON'S FLOORING! VOTE FOR 'insert liar here'! "COZY CARPETS!"

Why do the show's I watch have so many flooring commercials? Those three flooring places have one thing in common, theme songs to strangle someone by.

So, back to Twix. Not as annoying as Kit Kat, with it's incessant crunching. Still, equally bothersome.

According to the commercials, if approached with a question or comment that may elude to your infidelity/ stupidity/tendency to lie/boorish behavior then you can simply cram one whole Twix bar in your facehole, thus buying a few millennium to come up with some ridiculous excuse or alibi while you chew away. The person that brought up your indiscretion will then be pleased with your obviously stupid answer and then go about their day, because, hey, there's nothing weird about someone cramming an entire Twix in their face. Right?

Sure. I don't get anxiety just by thinking about it. Hold on while I go and get rid of this excess saliva and take a Xanax. What if you get that whole mouth full then have to cough or, oh no, sneeze? Or, I know you've experienced this, a little bit of chocolate slips down your throat and sends you into a coughing and choking frenzy. I'm sure your wife will appreciate you spewing half chewed Twix into her face just as your lying about your obvious affair. You're so rude.

Oh, we know all about it, don't try to lie about it. Who is she!?

So, thanks Twix for making it okay to lie. And eat an excess amount of chocolate.

Need a moment? To lie!?

At the moment that he crammed that Twix in his mouth I would have been all up in there digging it out, 

like when Cooper tries to eat Kleenex.

America's Got...Talent...wait, that's not right.

Madison and I like to watch America's Got Talent. It's a show that we both like and that I can also let her watch. There's not typically much nudity or prostitution. Typically.

We have a game that we play. We play "Call It". If the person gets a little pre-performance interview we call it then, if not, then we wait until they walk onstage and we yell out if that person is going to suck or not. Madison adds a little thumbs up or thumbs down to her holler. She's serious about this game. When she wins she jumps up and yells "Hey-oohhh", watch out she just might junk punch you. Loser.

I have learned the way to pick out who is going to suck. Are they talking about how awesome they are? Do they say that everyone tells them what a great singer or whatever they do they are? Do they say that they are going to be the next "insert famous name here"? Do they walk around like they have a small animal up their ass?

Then they suck. Period. No exceptions. Depending on the person, I sometimes feel bad for them. If they get their bad review and they just bow their head and leave, then that makes me sad. Because, obviously no one was ever honest with them and told them "Hey, you're not that great, how about you do something else". BUT, if they start talking back and getting all bitchy and crazy faced, that's when my sympathy ends. Hey, Sucky McSuckerson, sorry you don't have any friends that respect you enough to be honest but how about you get your huge ass and huge head off the stage and make room for some talent.

Now you see how serious I am about my TV.

They should hand these out to the losers.