6.19.2012

Haunted

You already know that I'm easily scared...as shown here, here...and here. There's not much I can do about it - I guess conditioning might work. I could go live in a haunted house for a year and I'll come out with nerves of steel. I will also be a psychopath.

Recently Coop decided to throw a fit all night long (turns out he was sick) and keep me up fetching him water and blocks of gold. After being up most of the night laying next to a toddler that is apparently made of elbows and spastic tendencies I finally drifted off. I was hanging on for dear life to the edge of the bed since a King size bed is just big enough for a 2-year-old.

Someone whispers in my ear. I shot up and out of bed so fast that all of the bedding came with me, there I stood in attack mode (read: defense mode) glaring around the room for the offender (read: witch). I say witch, because this happened recently:

It's true.

There's no one around. I re-make the bed and try to sleep with my eyes open - I'm not great at it. I went on about my day as normal, scared of everything. The next morning...it happens again. The voice didn't wake me up entirely I just knew it was there and it scared me but my sleepiness out weighed my need to evacuate the room. I also knew that it was the creepiest voice I had ever heard but I couldn't figure out WHAT she was saying. It was just scary.

I thought perhaps it was my new alarm clock app on my phone. I checked all of the settings, nope - no "ghost witch" capability. I set my alarm for a few minutes later so I could listen to it, I thought maybe if a certain amount of time passed without turning it off a voice would come on and say "wake the fuck up". Nope, that wasn't it either.

The next morning I actually woke up a few seconds before it happened. I lay there groggy and I hear "There is a secret." hissed into my earhole. HISSED. I jumped out of bed and stared at my phone, that's where it was coming from. I wondered if the warranty covered demon possession...hmm. I drank my coffee while staring at the clearly possessed cell phone when it dawned on me - I recently installed The Secret app. 

You know, The Secret - book, movie, inspiration, life changing, yada yada. Well, I have it set up to remind me to read my daily "secret". Apparently they decided the best way to remind their customers to read a secret is to have a demon ghost whisper it to them. It disturbed me so much that I had to leave a glowing review:

(click the picture to see the entire image)
Please go to the app store from your phone and mark my review as helpful...the world needs it.

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!