Someone got a fancy Password Journal for her birthday. No, not me. It was Madison of course...though I'm not known for turning down gifts, so if you're in a giving mood...

She received this gift yesterday...today I'm on the verge plunging that little book into a pot of boiling water and then stringing it up in town square and throwing stones at it. The basics.

With this Password Journal, initially you hold down the main button and it prompts you in this English accent, "Recohd passwohd" then you say you're super secret password. After that, it prompts, "Repeat passwohd", then you repeat it and it says, "Passwohd Recohded". From that moment on whenever you want to open the journal, to, as Madison says, "Write down all your secrets" (she's seven, how many secrets does this kid have?), you press the button and it tells you to say your "passwohd" and then *magical music here* it opens and you are free to write all of your secrets. Ooh, and I love this part! Whenever you successfully open the journal it tells you how many possible intruders there have been since your last journal writing session! "37 new intruhdahs."

Now, all of this is probably what happens in everyone else's home. Not here. Nope.

This is how it goes:

Journal: Recohd passwohd.

Madison: Rat (I'm not kidding)

Journal: Repeat passwohd.

Madison: Rat (Seriously)

Journal: ERRAH! Recohd passowhd.

Now, repeat that 34 times. I think every two times, the journal says, "See you latah!" and my eyes start to bleed.

Every few times Madison will change the password choice. Every 86th time the journal will actually open and we both look at each other with despair in our eyes...then she shuts it again and I pass out.

You can even change the sensitivity to the microphone, so that you can say the password quietly and not as clearly. That doesn't matter, this thing it like Fort fucking Knox. You're not getting in with anything less than an encrypted ID, eyeball scan, fingerprinting, DNA check and your first born.

Here's what it looks like when it's open. I guess. I don't know from personal experience.

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!