10.13.2010

Twix = Amnesty

Have you been watching, nay, enjoying these Twix commercials as of late? "Oh no" you say, "she's watching commercials again..." Again? I haven't stopped, I've just been sparing you the gory details. MATTRESS RANCH! BIG BOB'S FLOORING! GIANT DON'S FLOORING! VOTE FOR 'insert liar here'! "COZY CARPETS!"

Why do the show's I watch have so many flooring commercials? Those three flooring places have one thing in common, theme songs to strangle someone by.

So, back to Twix. Not as annoying as Kit Kat, with it's incessant crunching. Still, equally bothersome.

According to the commercials, if approached with a question or comment that may elude to your infidelity/ stupidity/tendency to lie/boorish behavior then you can simply cram one whole Twix bar in your facehole, thus buying a few millennium to come up with some ridiculous excuse or alibi while you chew away. The person that brought up your indiscretion will then be pleased with your obviously stupid answer and then go about their day, because, hey, there's nothing weird about someone cramming an entire Twix in their face. Right?

Sure. I don't get anxiety just by thinking about it. Hold on while I go and get rid of this excess saliva and take a Xanax. What if you get that whole mouth full then have to cough or, oh no, sneeze? Or, I know you've experienced this, a little bit of chocolate slips down your throat and sends you into a coughing and choking frenzy. I'm sure your wife will appreciate you spewing half chewed Twix into her face just as your lying about your obvious affair. You're so rude.

Oh, we know all about it, don't try to lie about it. Who is she!?

So, thanks Twix for making it okay to lie. And eat an excess amount of chocolate.

Need a moment? To lie!?



At the moment that he crammed that Twix in his mouth I would have been all up in there digging it out, 
like when Cooper tries to eat Kleenex.

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!