10.24.2010

Oh My God What Time Is It?

What kind of bra do you wear? Well, if you're a girl...well...maybe if you're a guy. I don't care. I'm not here to judge. I wear a normal bra. By normal I mean, it has no tassles, spikes, bells, whistles or time constraints.

18 Hour Bra? 18 hours? Why? Was there a request made?

"Yes, Playtex? This is Beverly, I would like you to create a bra that lasts for 18 hours. Thanks."

Why did she do that? Probably because her name is Beverly.

Maybe it was invented by a man (most likely) and he couldn't get any girl to take off her bra. So, he said, "I know, I will invent a bra that has to be removed. Yes! Boobs. Boooobs. Booooooobs. Ma! What's for dinner?!"

What my main concern is, what happens after 18 hours? This has been the topic of many discussions with Morgan. I know, we're awesome. We both thought that the bras only lasted for 18 hours, that they were perhaps disposable. Maybe they explode. What if you have to work late? Or are out for some after hours drinks with colleagues. (I'm assuming that business women wear 18 hour bras, seems like one of those responsible things that people do.) What if you put the bra on really early, perhaps in the middle of the night...and then you're out the following night and you realize that you're bordering on the 18 hour mark. You shriek, "Oh my God! What time is it!?" sloshing your drink around, grabbing your boss by the shirt collar, screaming in his face. Sadly, it is too late. The bra bursts into flames.

"She seemed so responsible, she was always on time...why didn't she realize that the 18 hours was almost up? So sad. Poor Beverly."

Or, maybe the bra just disintegrates. There you are walking through town and "fizzle", your bra is dust and there you are just hanging loose on Main Street. Mother's are shielding their children's eyes, "Don't look! Put on a bra ma'am, what is wrong with you?! Don't you know what time it is?"

Maybe you turn into a pumpkin. Or, you sprout two pumpkins on your chest. Okay, that's just ridiculous.

According to Momma, the bra is made to be comfortable for 18 hours. This still boggles my brain. How does it know? What if you just take it off and then put it back on, is it then good for 18 more hours? How does it know?! Does it recharge itself? Is there some sort of apparatus that you have to rest it on so that it can conform back to its original shape therefore making it good for 18 more hours?

Have you seen one of these things? It's like a quilt for your chest. Oh! And it comes in toffee! Gasp. And BEIGE!

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!