You must get so much texting done at the gym...

Do you? Do you get a lot of texting done while you stand there next to your boyfriend while he "lifts weight". I put "lifts weight" in those sarcastic quotation marks because he's lifting just enough weight so he looks like he's working hard but he's only working hard because he's doing it wrong.

I bet that weight bench is super comfortable to sit in - here let me angle the TV so you can see it better from your location. I never thought of using a bench for texting, I'll have to give that a try sometime - is it comfortable? It's not super comfortable when I use it for tricep dips, I don't expect it to be...but that's just me. To each their own I guess.

Does your boyfriend love it when you stand right in front of him while he curls those dumbbells? I would imagine you are blocking the mirror from his view of checking his form but what you are really doing is blocking his view of just checking himself out. "Look at these guns...why does my elbow hurt so much...whatever, I'm going to look hot. Owwwwww."

I really love that you picked up that 5lb dumbbell and are now curling it with one limp wrist while you text with the other hand. You are just super cute, what kind of lip gloss is that you're putting on? I bet it's fantastic. Here, could you hold my 25lb dumbbell while I readjust the bench from your TV watching adjustment? It doesn't really work well for what I need to use it for...sorry.

I see that you like to lean against that piece of equipment there, it's called a Horizontal Leg Press in case you were wondering and I need to use it. Oh, you must be confused - You. Are. At. The. Gym. I'm sure you arrived here by just following your boyfriends feet - since that's probably all you can see while you're head is down staring at your phone while texting or Facebooking or whatever it is you're doing that's so important.

Whoah, where are you going? The locker room? What do you need to go there for, wipe the sweat from your brow? Doubtful. Oh, reapply your makeup - proceed. Let me just get out of your way...sorry.

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!