First of all you should know that I love Thanksgiving, it's my favorite holiday, well except for Christmas you know because of the presents and it being our Lord's birthday and the presents. Thanksgiving has food, not just any food but fattening, all buttered up food cooked by my momma. Dinner is usually held at momma's house where she has invited not only our family but anyone she happened to meet in the last 12 months. It's huge. There's at least 2 turkeys and a ham, these I don't care about.
Dressing. No, not stuffing, you sadist. Dressing. Cornbread dressing. It is delicious and if all we had was dressing I would be totally fine with that. Well, we need gravy. We always need gravy. It's a Southern beverage after all. My momma makes the best dressing in the entire world. You make think that the shit that your mom told you was dressing or stuffing (shudder) is the best, well, you would be wrong my friend, dead wrong. That is a fact.
Well, since this Thanksgiving I happen to be 15 months pregnant my mom didn't feel comfortable throwing the Thanksgiving hoo-haa, since my hoo-haa could possibly be in labor. So, instead of having it at her place we had it at my step-dad's brother's house. I let my mom know that this was totally fine as long as SHE brought the dressing. Oh, and the gravy. Plus, straws.
When eating at a family event there are things you need to know. You need to know who NOT to sit next to. Do not sit next to...well, a specific group of people (I won't name them so as not to hurt feelings and I'm positive that they have no idea it's them that I'm talking about. Oblivious.). Don't get me wrong, I love them all dearly but their eating methods do not agree with my gag reflex. It's basically the noise, the chewing and smacking will have my stomach turning and me pulling my hair out by the fist full. It is maddening.
When it was time we were all called to the table and like some sort of freak accident all of the loud eaters were seated next to eachother. The panic that ensued. I'm sure that noone understood why it was so difficult for us to sit our asses down, we were like stuttering morons. Morgan ended up having to sit directly next to the group...not sure how that happened. Joe was able to sit the farthest away and he still lost his appetite. Morgan at his meal with his face turned all the way to the left so that he would have to see the mouth action. I also employed this method. Didn't help much.
If I had to describe one of the eaters I would say it would be like standing Bocephus upright and giving him a fork.
Besides that mess,
*This section blacked out due to request of my mother. Carry on.
Thanksgiving was great! You know, because of the dressing and all that gravy.
I am thankful:
- for my family, even the noisy eaters and loud breathers
- for my daughter who can make anything hilarious
- for my husband who has been so wonderful and has had to put up with my pregnant self for the past 9 months, it's a miracle we made it out alive
- for sleep
- for baby head smell