8.12.2010

Manners? What's That?

I was raised in the South, by my very Southern momma. Which means, a: I got spanked and I'm totally fine with that, b: I know how to make gravy, fried chicken and how to eat a crawdad, and c: I have manners. I've found living in other states, like the one I live in now, manners don't seem to fall real high on the totem pole. I've heard many a child yell "What?" to their parents, I have to catch myself from yelling back "Excuuuuse me boy?! I think you meant "ma'am"! Start over." That's not to say that I don't have to remind my own brood to say their "please" and "thank you's", or to "MY GOD, could you please chew with your mouth closed!". It's a learned habit.

With children I expect a few slip-ups, they're kids after all and the only learn from their parent's. What I cannot get over is the lack of common manners and decency in adults.

A few things make me crazy. One is table manners. Could you please not shovel the food direct from the plate into your cake hole? Maybe? Also, while your chewing could you close your gullet long enough to chew and swallow? I know I'm asking quite a bit from you here on this one, but really, just this once. I'm begging you.

A lot of my complaints come from the road. I don't claim to be the best driver ever but at least I have some common courtesy and sense...and a lead foot. Nevermind that. Now, when I'm in traffic, driving along and someone needs to squeeze on over I used to let them go ahead. I would let them in and then I would receive the standard over the shoulder wave, as if to say, "Thank you kind ma'am, surely there is a place in heaven just for you and your kind soul."

Why yes, I am kind aren't I?

What happens these days? I let someone over, grinning like a fool because I am super nice and I am about to get an awesome wave from this super grateful citizen. I'm waiting. Smile is slowly falling. Waiting. Smile has completely turned into frown. Waiting, dodging pedestrians because I don't want to miss this wave that I am surely going to get...right? Frown has now turned into scowl. I am still waiting for that fucking wave that I so  greatly deserve because I've been in traffic for an hour and you could've gotten over five miles back but noooo you decided to speed on up here and squeeze in ahead of everyone who has been waiting patiently and you sir are an asshole and have now punished everyone else in the world that I will encounter in traffic because I will never let anyone in front of me again. Douche bag.

I'm not asking for much. Just a little wave to let me know that he knows that I went out of my way to do something that I didn't have to do. Just a nod from human to human that says, "Hey, you didn't have to do that but you did and I thank you." Is that too much? Am I expecting way to much of my fellow inhabitants of this great world?

I guess so. But I have no more problems because I will no longer be disappointed. I hope you don't need to get in front of me on the streets because I'm not letting you in. And you can thank Mr. Maroon Ford F-250, BGBLLS, who enjoys "ditching the bitch" to go hunting and urinating on Chevrolet emblems.

How rude.

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!