Exercise In Futility

I have been trying to exercise on a regular basis to get my weight loss and getting back in shape situation going. I hate yoga, I can't do it. I can't watch the video, listen to what she's saying, breathe in and out and not fall over. I tried swimming yesterday. Because you know, nothing dangerous can happen while swimming.

I actually put my swimsuit on, luckily noone was injured by this action alone. I was joined by two friends, true friends because they did not laugh, point or pretend not to be with me when I walked out of the locker room in my pieces of fabric. I didn't bring goggles or a cap so the plan was to just do laps with one of those floaty board things (yes this is the technical term) and kick myself up and down the lane. Hannah joined me in this exercise, as did Erin when she took breaks from actual swimming. Show off. I didn't do too bad, I was much slower than everyone else, I also get distracted by water. So pretty. Half of the time you would find me simply floating mid-lane with a sparkle in my eye and my hands making waves in the water. And I wonder why I never got that lifeguard job...

At one point we were congregated at one end of the lane just chatting. Taking a break from it all. I'm holding on to my floaty board thing (Yes! That's the accurate term, quit questioning me!) and at that moment the board decides that it hates Erin and must destroy her immediately. It shoots out of my arms like a rocket and before she even knew what was happening "BAM!" the corner of the board assaults her eyeball.

That's right. EYE BALL. She didn't have time to blink, just "BANG!". She didn't even know what hit her. Literally. She thought I elbowed her. Which made me feel like more of an asshole because she went on believing it was my elbow for about 20 minutes.

I felt so terrible and couldn't stop apologizing. I also couldn't stop laughing, because that's what I do. Laugh. I nearly drowned a couple of times because of course I laugh with my whole body and my mouth wide open, that isn't the best combination for being in the water.

I tend to be accidentally dangerous in many situations. I mean, someone is getting hurt, I guess it was just her time.

Oh, wait, that's not true! I found out after the fact that before I maimed Erin, I hit Hannah in the throat. So, if I had known that I hit Hannah then my brain would have said, "Okay, our work is done here." But no, I wasn't aware so Erin also had to take a hit.

Technically it's Hannah's fault.