That is the sound of women and children screaming and running with their eyes closed, therefore slamming into each other at incredible speeds but they are not bothered by that because if they uncover their eyes they will forever be blinded by the vision that they have seen. What is seen cannot be unseen.
Me. In a bathing suit.
Go ahead. I'll wait. Are you done? Okay.
What is happening is, I'm trying to get back into pre-baby shape. I have been working out which is starting to feel great. I just really need to take it up a notch so I'm trying everything. "Everything" now includes swimming on Saturday mornings.
When I say swimming I mean floundering above water on a floatie board while kicking my legs like I'm trying to escape the Kraken.
I tried my swimsuit on tonight. It's not good. Not good at all. I had to take it off before one of my ass cheeks beat the other into submission for power of the small amount of fabric attempting to hold them both into one space.