A Day.

Today is a day. What a fucking day. I am in desperate need of unlimited amounts of cash and patience and if it's not too much trouble a pair of Tom's shoes in red, size 8. Thanks.

Cooper has been doing this "screaming slash squeeling slash hey look, momma's ears are bleeding" thing. It has me on the edge of world and at the brink of insanity. I have tried a few things to get him to stop this "behavior", that's what the pediatrician calls it. "It's a behavior, he's nine months old, what are you going to do? He'll stop it soon enough." What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Doc. You have no idea.

First I tried ignoring it. Then I tried this thing where I yell back, then he yells, then I yell, then he yells, then Madison says, "Soooo, do you want me to yell also?"

Before I start getting your comments about colic and about needs and about whatever else, let me just explain it. He's not crying. He's screaming. He likes the sound of his own yell. He doesn't necessarily want or need anything obvious when he does it. I don't give him anything when he screams, I try desperately to not even give him a reaction but sometimes after sporadic yelling for 10 minutes and my hair is starting to drop out in clumps I have to say something. Anything. Sometimes it's just a sound effect. My house sounds are "EEEEEEEEE" (that's Cooper) and "BLERRRRGGHHH" (that's me). Our neighbors must think that we are lunatics.

Yesterday I tried this thing where I would just talk to him and say things like, "Oh, yelling? That's totally fine. Go ahead, yell. It's cool. I'm cool. We're all cool." Then the more he would yell, the more indignant I would get until finally I could hear my dad's fits of laughter coming up from downstairs and I yelled "It's not FUNNY" and threw myself on the floor. That's how I roll.

Other than that I have the basic mind numbing, life shattering, irritants. Bills, and lots of them. They just don't stop, and just when I think I have paid the bills and minimum payments for the month I get a phone call or a letter saying, "Hey, pay this shit or we're coming over there and you don't want us to come over there, cuz we're all gangster and we will turn off your gas, ma'am." Fuck. I just remembered I need to pay the gas bill.

Today I cancelled a dentist appointment because it would've cost me over $800 and I love the look that the receptionist/dental hygienist gave me because I didn't just have $800 lying around in wait for the day I needed a fucking crown. If I'm paying almost $900 for a crown, that bitch better have diamonds and rubies and come with a throne and some minions.

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!