Eyeholes

My friend Stephanie refers to her ears as "earholes" which I am abso-freaking-lutely in love with, and has driven me to add "holes" to a multitude of things. Eyehole, mouthhole, belly button hole, tv hole, shoe hole, brain hole, it's fun you should try it. Just use your imagination hole and come up with some of your own.

Now. Back to my story. Ack! This, my friends, this blog, is a...ready? A story hole! Wow. I hope Steph is proud.

So. I wear contacts (stalkers, take note) and for the longest time, read: for as long as I've worn them, I can't obey the laws of the contact. I consistently have worn them for way longer than they are supposed to be worn...say, 9 months. Also, I will sleep in them for...say, 9 months. (Please don't yell at me.)

This year when I went to the eye doctor, knowing that I have been very very bad, I requested the prescription for the "daily" contacts. The ones that you wear for just one day and then throw them away. Thinking that I would be more disciplined and that I would be a good girl and throw them away directly after flossing my teeth and then put on a fresh pair in the morning.

Right.

Well, I did it for a while. And boy was I good! I was all flossing and removing contacts and doing things and wearing my glasses.

Once or twice now I have woken up at around 3 am and ripped them out in the dark and set them on my nightstand.

Last night, I slept in them. I also did not remove them in the morning. I am certain that now they have disintegrated into my cornea and I will not be able to remove them without some sort of operation that involves a scrapey thing and I will have to have my eyelids taped open Mel Gibson Conspiracy Theory style and I won't get any anesthesia because I was the one that decided to sleep in my daily wear contacts therefore making the choice to screw up my eyeholes forever more.

This is similar to me trying to eat healthy, I'm good for a minute, losing weight, feeling great. Then a donut passes by and I'm all "Roooaaarrrr...donut times!" and there's cardboard flying and carnage and people screaming and running for their lives and I've eaten all the carb's and sugar coated everything in the building and there's crying, mostly by me, but I'm also happy because there's bacon.

It's obvious that right this second I am on a sugar high because a friend stopped by and threw a bag of chocolate at me and yelled "Get these away from me!". I was strong...until she left. Now I'm sitting here with chocolate on my face and my leg is jumping and I'm pretty sure that this blog post in this story hole has taken about 5 left turns which takes more fuel than making 5 right turns, did you know that? I learned it on Twitter.

This donut has bacon on it.