12.13.2010

In All Seriousness

Dear Taco Bell:

I love your taco's, chalupa's, enchirito's and nacho's. I love your crunchy, crispy, cheesy goodness. I love your whole "think outside the bun" motto. So catchy. I love your third meal. I just love you in general.

But.

But. I need you to do me a favor. You know those cinnamon twists? The wonderful, airy, crispy, yummy, sweet twisty confection that you include in the kids' meals. Or can be purchased separately for a low price. Though I would pay more for that little piece of heaven. Yeah, those. Could you make those just a tad bit smaller? Say one size smaller than the average child's mouth. See, I need for my child to be able to put the whole thing in her mouth without having to bite down first. That whole bite into the twist thing is just not working for me.

It rattles my brain. It makes my hair fall out...sometimes voluntarily, sometimes by the strong grip of my fist. It makes my eyes roll around wildly. It makes me say through gritted teeth to my seven-year-old, "COULD YOU PLEASE NOT BITE INTO THE TWIST?". Then she tries to put an entire twist in her mouth only to gag and choke and then look at me with the sad eyes. Then she crunches her little teeth down into half of the twist while giving me the sorry eyes.

I beg you Taco Bell. Please help me, please help my sanity, please help my child.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Also. I will no longer be purchasing said cinnamon twists form your establishment until this is resolved. Please expect to see a vast dip in your profit's.

Yours Truly...if you meet my demands.

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!