I Don't Need To Know

Have you seen the new Chevy commercial where the guy goes on the date...then she kisses him...then he gets into his car...then he presses that magic do-all button on his rear view mirror...then the soothing voice says "Facebook Status Update: so and so says 'Best first date ever."

Then he smiles with that face that says, "Damn...maybe I should've gone inside."

Let's break this down. Well, not really break it down. I really one have to say one thing.

I don't ever want to listen to my "friends" Facebook status updates out loud...in my car...or anywhere really. Let's see what that would sound like:

That Girl: I really hope that you're happy bitch. Some people shouldn't spread lies about other certain people and then sleep with that certain person's boyfriend who shall remain nameless. But don't ask me about this in the comments because then there will be 38 updates from everyone else who thinks they have something to say about it.

That Guy: Duuuuuuuude. Just chillin' with the boyz. Got our dicks out swingin in the wind, drunk as hell. Bitchez should hit us up for a good time. By good time I mean getting drunk on jager and then passing out on the bathroom floor. Also, bring cab fare.

Lonely Grrrl: "Insert weird song lyrics here." This song speaks to my soul, mainly because I have no one else to speak to. So I will post random updates with random song lyrics that you may or may not know. And Hanson.

Weirdo or Your Mom: I have a huge festule on my thigh. See pic in my photo album. I think I'm just going to lance it myself. Anyone have any advice? I've now changed my profile pic to the picture of this huge puss filled sac so that you can't help but stare at it and wish that you could stop staring...but you can't...can you?

Too Young for Facebook: Why can't he just see what's here in front of him. I'm not going to wait around for him any longer. I am moving on, I have way better things to do with my life. Since I'm only 15 that means just staying home and bitching about my mom. Oh, look he's calling me finally! Boys CAN change.

Jackass: Click this link to see this awesome thing and then maybe buy it. Or maybe the link is to some sad story. Or maybe it's a chain message and if you don't post it to your facebook also then you will be abducted by alien zombies. That's right. Alien Zombies. AND something that you want to happen won't happen. So there. But be sure and click it. Don't forget.

One Word: Sleepy


So, do you think you would want to hear your "friend's" status updates on your car speaker? I don't. Hell, I don't want to hear my own status updates come out of my own mouth.

But, if you could get it to read a blog to you...that would be something else.

I don't care if you have Beiber fever!

Wait, is it contagious?