Conspiracy Theory

Remember when I bought that pepper spray, the one with maybe enough bursts to withstand 25 attackers? No? Then read about it here. You should really keep track of these important things, there may be a test.

Alright then, I am armed with pepper spray at all times. Right? Right. So, I'm safe, right?


Apparently someone may put me in the trunk of my rental car.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. I have a rental car because something is wrong with something in the engine of my car so they have to work on it. I don't know exactly what's wrong with it because I have a vagina and apparently mechanics aren't allowed to use them car parts words around my delicate ears.

They graciously loaned me a rental car that was about one inch bigger than a clown car. When I opened up the trunk to put a pallet of diapers in there I noticed something peculiar. A plastic, glow-in-the-dark tag attached to a small rope. This tag had a diagram on it. A diagram of an open trunk and a person that obviously jumped out of the trunk after being held captive in there for hours, maybe days. He was starving and covered in pee. I can't blame him, I mean your stuck in there, it doesn't stop your bladder from functioning, you still have to pee.

I stood there for a long time just looking at it wondering how many times people have filed complaints after being locked in the trunks of a Ford Focus. I wonder if they receive the complaints via survey or phone call?

It must happen more often than I thought, for them to employ some sort of system for getting out on your own with detecting a lot of attention from your captors. Maybe it's standard issue nowadays, hell if I know. Maybe kidnappers now have to look for this feature when buying a car. "Oh, this one has a release in the trunk...do you have anything with an unescapable trunk, perhaps in blue?"

Oh yeah, I took a picture of it. You're welcome.

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!