7.02.2010

25 Would Be Attackers

I made a recent purchase of a fancy pepper spray key-chain, black case so that I can coordinate it with anything. Priorities.

When I got home and examined the packaging, I noticed in prominent letters.

"Contains approximately 25 bursts, you may experience multiple attackers."

How many ways can I dissect this. First of all, 25 attackers? Wow. I must be more popular than I once thought. I can only imagine though that on the first attacker I would waste the entire can in the bad guys face, and then throw the can in the second guy's face...as for the other guy's, I guess I'll just hope they get caught in the mist. I wonder if they will be in a line. I hope so, for organization sake. 25 baddies standing around all willy-nilly, come on you ruffians, get it together.

Now that we got my popularity out of the way. Let's go over the approximate number of bursts. Approximately 25 bursts? What if there are 25 attackers, but only 20 bursts? Here I am, thinking all is good...18, spray, 19, spray, 20, spray, 21...21...oh, hold on dude, my spray seems to have run out. Then he waits patiently along with the line of 4 guys behind him. I compliment them on their patience and politeness, they blush and say thanks and go on their way after assisting me with my groceries and helping me cross the street.

Yeah, sure they do.

Another comment on the package was, "Cover your face if spraying in wind."

Really? So, I'm assuming that I ready my sprayer, cover my face and the baddie is going to stand there waiting to get sprayed in the mug.

Yeah, sure he will.

I guess all I can do is hope I have less than 20 attackers and it's not a windy day.

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!