11.16.2009

Lesson 1: Walking In Public

Good afternoon everyone. Welcome to today's lesson, "How To Not Walk Like an Asshole in a Parking Lot", or as I like to call it "Stay Home Dumbass".

As you all know I have seen my fair share of parking lots and while I carry a full assortment of colorful comments and complaints about the cars/drivers themselves, today I would like to focus the attention on the walkers. You know, the people that park and then get out of their cars and seem to stumble aimlessly among the vehicles that are attempting to park in said parking lot.

The main complaint for the day is why do they feel the need to walk in the longest diagonal line possible? Therefore keeping any passing car waiting until their trek is finished. Obviously never heard of the phrase "The shortest distance between two points is a straight line" they live by the creed "Derrrr...wha?".

Please see this figure. That demonstrates a parking lot and a person crossing the lane of traffic.






Fuck. What am I thinking? This is what a parking lot really looks like, sorry for the confusion.






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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!