You Know What Causes Weather? Me.

I have reason to believe that inside of my body is some sort of magnet that attracts forces of nature. Or it could be that I am so large and pregnant that I have thrown the earth off of its axis and now I am the center of the universe, yeah that's it.

This morning was calm, a little cold no big deal. Taking Madison to school I decided not to put my coat on because A) it's not windy or that cold and B) I'm a whale and don't need one more layer on. Again, I will mention that it was calm, no wind, not even a hint of wind coming around.

We get out of the car and walk about 5 feet when all of a sudden we are swept up in a wind storm. Snow is flying everywhere and by everywhere I mean that the direction of every flying object was aimed at my face. Madison has her coat over her head screaming for me to guide her. We're lucky we weren't run over by an SUV or that a house didn't fall on our heads. Now, this is how I know that it's me, that I am the reason for this freak of nature weather. (Well, this and I just know that everything is about me, so there.) We get within one foot of the door to the school and it stops. The wind just stops. Fine, mother nature, good morning to you too.

I get her into school, to her class and I'm looking outside through the windows and it's still calm. Cool. I walk out of the door and I shit you not I am 5 feet outside and the wind picks up again. Practically pushing me down the sidewalk toward the car. Now I'm getting pissed. I get to the car after walking safely to and from the school, being bullied by the wind and I lift my foot to step into the vehicle and down I go. I happen to have stepped on the one patch of black ice in the whole parking lot. I'm sorry to all of the parents and children who had to witness this maniac screaming and cussing while trying to climb into her car.

Watch out world, tomorrow I'm going to dress in full winter gear. Get ready for a heatwave.