Is that right? Is it “Bare” or “Bear”? I’m too tired to look it up. So what the fuck ever.
I need to bitch. I mean really bitch. Bitch about things that don’t even matter. So, it you are interested stick around. If not, if you can’t deal with someone bitching about every little thing then please feel free to excuse yourself.
Here we go.
I have a DVR, for a reason, you know to record things that I want to watch but aren’t available to do so at the moment. Well my DVR likes to pick and choose when it wants to work, which lately is only about 2% of the time. I hate calling the cable company because they are all idiots. I would cancel but if you cancel one thing it makes the cost of the other thing triple. I have static. My couch, loveseat and recliner give me static. My arm hair is constantly lunging away from my body and anything I touch sends a surge of electricity through me, including this laptop. I’ve eaten three heart shaped boxes of chocolate since Sunday. I have a zit that replenishes itself every hour. Anytime my hands are full or dirty or wet or messy my nose runs or my eye itches or an eyelash gets into my eye and if feels like a tiny splinter has wedged itself into my cornea. There’s dog hair everywhere. I vacuum everyday and that damn dog comes in and places his body on every available carpeted space and rolls around. My hair hurts. If I don’t wash my hair everyday I have to put it in a ponytail, which makes my hair hurt. If I put my hair in a ponytail I have to also wear a headband to cover up my receding hair line that I have after having a baby. If I don’t wear my hair in a ponytail I am dealing with stray hairs all day everyday all over everything. I bit my cheek therefore it is swollen and I keep biting it over and over and over again. My laptop battery only stays charged for an hour so I have to have it plugged in all the time. What’s the point of having a laptop if I still have to stay near an outlet? The seats in my new car are cream, why did I get cream colored interior since I have 2 kids and a small bear as a pet? Hell if I know. My dark wash jeans, no matter how many times I wash them, have stained my drivers seat blue. BLUE. FUCK. I tend to put my right hand under my right thigh at work while I am reading, so my right hand is also blue. I have no available wall space in my house. We have 500 DVDs and 4 pieces of furniture to hold them, I can’t find just one thing that will hold them all. My husband bought a big plastic rubbermaid container with doors and put it in my dining room, you know for storage. Looks great. It sits next to the elliptical that never gets used. I’ve been on my period since I gave birth in November. My dog has taken up barking at everything that passes our house while he’s outside. I’m grouchy. I’m bitchy. I need a shower. I want a vacation. A vacation that sometimes I think we will never get to take because we will be paying bills and debt forever.
I have two beautiful children who can turn my day around just by being near me. I have a daughter who knows that when I am fighting with the vacuum cleaner cord if she tells me she loves me it will make my day. I have a baby boy with the best baby smell in the world, if I could curl up and live in his neck I would. I have a home and food to eat. I have a handsome husband who loves me even when I hate him. Hell, I love him even when I hate him. He wants to fix every problem I have and hates that he can’t and I won’t let him. I have the best family anyone could ask for. My momma somehow knows exactly when I need her to call me. Her sweet voice will bring me to tears right when I need it. Without my daddy I would probably be living in squalor. He has been a huge and wonderful part of Madison’s life and now Cooper’s, they are so lucky. My brother is amazing. He can make me laugh when no one can and he is my inspiration. I have great friends, one for every mood I’m in. I have a wonderful job and a wonderful boss and coworkers. I have a great dog that even though I trip over him most days and he makes me crazy, he is a part of this family and we wouldn’t be the same without him. I can walk, I can see and hear, my kids are healthy and happy and will go to great schools. We live where there are beautiful mountains that my family and friends in other states will never see. I have God in my life even though I’m not a frequent visitor of the Church. I pray every day and thank him everyday for the blessings in my life. Without these blessings I would have nothing to bitch about and for that I am thankful.