2.06.2010

Less Than Pleased? Upset? Sad?

No. He’s pissed the fuck off.

We took a trip to Wal-Mart today. Just me and Cooper, Madison is at her dad’s and Joe is back to work on the slope.

So, here we are in Wal-Mart, in the Valentine’s Day section. Cooper had been a bit fussy all day but he had just had a good nap so he seemed to be doing okay, a little grunt here and there. As I’m looking for a card for Joe I can tell that Coop is getting restless, so I start rolling the cart back and forth to calm him down. I can’t find a good card and Cooper is really starting to cry. I’m scrambling to find a card. I have to get one now because if I don’t then I won’t. I just grab one and take off down the aisle. As long as I’m moving swiftly he seems to quiet down.

I just needed a few more things for Super Bowl and we can get out of here. Well, as I’m getting these few more things Cooper is really roaring. I grab them frantically. Coke, chips, velveeta, ro-tel, brownie mix, Saints paper plates (okay, I didn’t need those, but I wanted them!), and crushed pineapple. Don’t ask.

I keep seeing a mom from Madison’s school and I avoided her like the plague. If I saw her on one aisle I would run down the next or if I saw the end of her buggy coming out of an aisle I would duck down the nearest one. How could I tell which buggy was hers just by the end of it? Oh, because her child was inside it and she did see me and I’m sure she told her mom and now her mom thinks I’m rude for ignoring her at the Wal-Mart. Sorry world.

Finally. At the checkout counter and by God that cashier could not move fast enough. Fellow mom’s kept coming up to checkout the screaming kid. The ONLY screaming kid in Wal-Mart by the way. The first time ever that there wasn’t an army of children screaming in the corridors. The mom’s would say things like “Oh, he’s mad.”, “Aww, what a sad baby.”

Back it up so I can get the hell out of here lady. As I run to the front door all of the cashiers and patrons are smiling at me with pity. Escaping through the door I can practically hear the applause.

The end. Oh, wait. There’s more.

We’re in Alaska. If you don’t know what the means, it means that in the winter the parking lots are about as smooth as a mountain range. I can’t push the buggy with the carseat in it, I have to carry the carseat on one arm and push the buggy with the other. This means that I don’t get to go straight to the car, no, the bumps and hills send me on a trek. When I finally get to the car with my soda turned torpedo’s I have just about had enough.

Well, that was until I dropped my cell phone.

It slid under my car.

It’s winter. In Alaska. We had a blizzard last night.

Kid. Screaming.

The end.

(Hysterical laughter)

No, we’re not done here.

Since we had that wonderful snowstorm last night the so friendly snow plows came to our neighborhood while I was gone. The left a 3 foot tall snow berm. My eyes practically popped out of my skull. What happened next can only be described as a scene.

I rammed the berm with my car and couldn’t quite get my back tires over it all the way. So, I backed up and rammed it again. And again. And again.

Right now my car is parked half in the street and half in the driveway.

Suck it Municipality of Anchorage.

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!