Smack...Right On The Kissah

It's winter. It's Alaska. It's dry. Do you know what that means?

ZAP.

Static electricity.

And it fucking hurts. Whatever I touch, ZAP! God forbid I need to turn on a light...or turn off a light. I mainly just walk around in the dark to avoid having to deal with the switches all together. I have a lot of bruises.

I've also made it a habit of touching things with the back of my hand or with my forearm first. That hurts less than the fingertips. Not that it diminishes my anger. Oh, did you forget my typical "get angry over the smallest things" thing?  I hate it that it affects me that deeply but geez louise. That's right. I said it. Geez Louise.

Everything that we touch shocks us. After touching 348 things it just begins to get ridiculous. When the kids aren't around I let the words fly. When they are around I just throw things. They have learned to duck.

Guess what else hurts? Kissing. I have kids and they love to give kisses and get kisses. Everybeen shocked on the lips? No. Get a pair of tweezers...trust me....get a pair of tweezers, grasp a small piece of your top or bottom lip (your choice) and PINCH quick and hard.

Now multiply that times 73. That's almost how bad it feels. Now imagine having that reaction to that pain right after your 1 year old gives you a sweet kiss. You think he'll be back to kiss you again?

I'm still waiting. I say "Give momma a kiss", and he screams and pulls his hair.

Remember how I said that using the back of your hand or forearm hurts less then fingertips? Well, fingertips hurt less than lips. Knowing that, we have (I have) a method for kisses.

First, I touch their face.

Yes, I realize that this shocks also. In fact, it shocks their cheek. Which hurts. Probably more than it hurts my fingertip.

But, it doesn't hurt nearly as bad as the lips.

This diagram is supposed to display some sort of static electricity thing....

but, I can't help but notice that the pair of balloons look like balls.

Oh God. Could you imagine getting shocked on your balls?