Gonna Burn This Mother Down

I haven't posted this weekend because I jacked my neck all up by sleeping the wrong way I guess. I'm assuming that "wrong" way would be the way that I am forced to sleep due to my ever expanding abdomen. Now that I am upright I can fill you in on my Sunday. In case you didn't already know this I love Sundays. I would love them more if it meant I didn't have to work on Monday but I deal.

Babies 'r' Us ruined my Sunday. Wait, ruined isn't the right word. They murdered my Sunday. They took on the identity of one of those sexual psycopathic sadists that are always being portrayed on Criminal Minds and totally fucked my Sunday all up.

Let me back up so you can get the entire picture, before it became all bloody with the ruining murder.

I registered for my baby shower at Babies 'r' Us. It's one of the only places to register here and it seems logical. Babies R Us. They are babies, they deal in the needs of babies and all things baby related. Makes sense right? So, I registered for all this stuff that we/the baby needs and I was told that I would get 10% off to complete my registry after my shower. Great, because you hardly get everything from your registry. I was also told that if my coupon didn't come in the mail that I could just come in and they would give me one.
So, Sunday I was going to take the time to spend the money that we don't have and get the rest of the stuff we need since if I don't the baby will come early demanding his bouncy chair, where the hell is my bouncy chair! I started grabbing things, couldn't find half of it, they didn't have most of it so I just made do and grabbed what I could. The last thing I needed was the carseat/stroller.

Well, they don't carry the one we registered for anymore. In fact they didn't even have anything that I would want my dog to ride in much less my kid. FINE. Whatever. So, I see the lady at the registry counter has finally decided to show up and I ask her about my 10% off. She asks "When are you due?" Um, November 29th. "Okay, you'll get your coupon two weeks after that."


"We need this stuff now, not two weeks after he shows up demanding his fucking bouncy chair, and by the way this is not the carseat that I wanted."

She says sorry that's the policy. Sorry, that's the policy. Sorry. That's the policy.

Believe it or not I just turned and walked away. My neck was killing me, my feet felt like they were bleeding into my shoes, good friend sciatica showed up, I had to pee again, kids were screaming, people were in my way, and my eye started to twitch. I checked out at the front and I let them know that I would not be returning to their lovely store to be murdered ever again and as I walked out of the door I said "suck it", because I'm gangster like that.

After that experience I was forced to go to...Burlington Coat Factory's Baby Depot. This may be a pleasant experience in your town but not here. Here, they put the carts in the center of the store so you have to hunt for them and the cashiers are always in-training. I got my shit, found a carseat/stroller I could deal with and got to the check-out stand.

You know what's coming. Of course the last item in my basket didn't have the Burlington price sticker on it. It had a UPC but the sku lookup system was down so she couldn't look it up on her computer. This last item, what was it? So, she pages for someone from Baby Depot, do they call her to see what's up? No, they walk ALL THE WAY up to her check out stand. Then that person didn't know what to do so she called someone else to give her the item number. Do they tell her the item number over the phone? No, they walk ALL THE WAY up to her check out stand. After 25 minutes of this I was able to leave this nightmare and continue on with the regular nightmare that is life.

Oh, what item was it that didn't have the fancy Burlington price tag? You really want to know?

The fucking bouncy chair, so help me this kid is going to live in that thing.


  1. He will be coming out with a list of demans including, but not limited to: bouncy chairs, spicy curry chicken and silence whilst reading anything Twilight related.

  2. Your blog is one of my new favorites. I'm here from the November 2009 board at babycenter.com. I think you're hilarious!


I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!