I Have To Do What?

I am 31 weeks pregnant this week. When I was 8 weeks pregnant I thought that time was creeping by but now that I'm this far it seems that it has flown by. This pregnancy has not been without its fair share of annoyances.
  • Raging hormones
  • Acne that only a pregnant woman can understand
  • All-day sickness
  • Sciatic nerve pain that at any moment could send a person to their knees
  • Heartburn
  • Barely controllable urge to claw out my own eyes as well as anyone within a 5 foot vicinity
  • Gas, oh come on, like you didn't see that one coming
I understand that these can be considered mild compared to what some women go through, but I'm going through these so that makes them the worst. See how that works? I also have "something wrong with my stomach". That's what the doctor said. Seems pretty broad to me. I just know that it hurts in the one spot really really bad. She also told me to try and stay away from foods that gave me heartburn...

Breathing air gives me heartburn. I think she's trying to kill me.

This being my second child I thought that I would know what to expect. I was wrong, yes I can admit when I am wrong. I can also admit when you are wrong and I am very right, rub it in your face and then have a shirt made that says "I am right and you are wrong" and wear it everytime we are together.

That being said, you never know what to expect. Every pregnancy is different. I also have heard that every labor and delivery is different. I let Joe know that we are due in less than 2 months and that maybe he should get around to browsing through the labor and delivery section of our "What To Expect.." book. He tells me that since it's my second time that's what he has me for. I then let him know that while I'm in labor the last thing that I will be doing is answering any of his questions or keeping him up on the goings on, that if he wants to know what the hell to expect I suggest he take a look at that damn book.

After he gets it removed from a certain orifice of his body of course.

Around this time of carrying a fetus around in your abdomen every woman comes to a realization. This realization is scary, sometimes paralyzing. It is brought to your attention that this baby has to...come out.
Yes. Oh, you didn't know that? How weird. It usually goes something like this:

Me: peeing

Me: thinking while peeing

Me: thinking that, "wow, next month we are having a baby!"

Me: thinking that "Wow. Next. Month. I. Am. Having. A. Baby."

Me: Blink.Blink.Blink.

Me: realizing the exact process that must take place to have said baby

Me: ...epidural please

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!