Too Bad There's No Keanu Reeves

I have a bit of information for those of you planning on having children (yes, Erin, I'm talking to you).

Kids move. A lot. And not just from here to there, on the way to there from here they move in every direction. There is no "Point A to Point B". It's "Point A to oh, what's that, to Point C, to I need to touch that NOW, to Point G, to look what's on my leg, to Point D, to look at MEEE!, to Point F, to what does this do, oops, it was the dog, then to Point B.


That was just the movement to get to one place from another. There's also movement while stitting still. That's right. Sitting still movement. Sitting on the couch enjoying some America's Got Talent and I'm sitting still so I know the couch shouldn't feel like I'm on some sort of theme park attraction, I look over and Madison is laying on her back, both feet up by her head and her hands waving in the air.

Me: What are you doing?
Madison: Nothing.
Me: Please sit still.
Madison: Okay.

Resume enjoying watching television. "thump...thump...thump..." I look over to see her hitting her fist on the couch and letting it bounce up to her chin.

Me: What are you doing?
Madison: Seeing how high I can bounce my fist...
Me: Please...sit...still....
Madison: I am still....(sees my face, i.e. whites of my eyes)...okay.

Back to enjoying the show, of which I have no clue what's going on and why are there gladiators with alien faces? I glance over at Madison. Hanging upside down over the edge of the couch.

Me: Madison....please.
Madison: I am still. I'm watching this show...upside DOWN! (said in game show host style)

And that was just last night. In a one-hour period. And I didn't include EVERYTHING. Don't even get me started on sitting still at the dinner table. That is enough to make my gums bleed.

The way I see it, it's like that movie Speed. There has to be some sort of device in their little brains that if they go below 25mph, they explode.

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!