7.19.2010

What Fresh Hell

When you are pregnant you have cravings, well right after you have the baby you have cravings too. Mainly because you are burning lots of calories caring for said baby, secondly because you are home all day camped in front of a TV with a baby attached to you and your hair is all greasy and matted up, your wearing the sweatpants that you wore home from the hospital three days ago, the only reason you have to get up is to go to the bathroom because you have congregated all of your immediate needs within arm's reach in every direction around your recliner, and all you see all day are commercials of food that isn't within your arm's reach and you want it, NOW.

Late one night I all of sudden wanted, nay, needed a Frosty. It went like this:

Me: I need a Frosty.

Joe: Sounds good.

So, out he went to get Frosty's. YAY life!

We live in a small town. We have a few fast food places, McDonald's, Arby's, Taco Bell, A&W, and Carl's Jr.

Did you read that list? Read it again. Notice what's not on that list. Read it again. Got it?

Wendy's. Guess what Wendy's has? Frosty's. Guess what Arby's doesn't have? Frosty's. Guess who works at Arby's? Idiots. Guess what Joe and I are for forgetting that it's Wendy's that has Frosty's and not Arby's? Big idiots. Big hungry idiot dumbies.

Joe returns home from ARBY'S with a total look of defeat.

He went to the drive-thru and this is the conversation (as told by Joe):

Arby's Guy: Grunt...hmpgha...can I take your order?

Joe: 2 Frosty's please.

Arby's Guy: Second window please.

(At second window, does anyone ever use the first window? What a waste.)

Arby's Guy: (as he hands two cups to Joe) I don't know what a Frosty is, here's 2 vanilla shakes.

Joe: (dumbfounded) Err...ugh..okay.


Okay. First of all, who the hell doesn't know what a Frosty is? Does this guy live in a cave? Second of all, who the fuck wants a vanilla shake? This guy is obviously a monster.

And to just assume that a substitute for a Frosty is a vanilla shake? Ridiculous. Who makes an assumption like that, why not just ask the customer to elaborate?

"Yes, Mr. Wolf. You are coming out of anesthesia nicely. Now, I wasn't sure what an appendix looked like, so I went ahead and removed your pancreas and about 10 feet of your intestine. Hope that's not a problem. Oh, here comes the nurse with your vanilla shake."

What an asshole.


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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!