If I Catch You Reaching For The Stars I'm Going To Bitch Slap You

I went home for lunch today and sat down with my bowl of Ramen to enjoy some noon-time tv. I had my bowl propped on top of my ever growing belly when an inspirational commercial came on. I expected it to be a LDS commercial or United Way, in fact writing this right now I can't tell you what the commercial was actually for. I do know it wasn't for either of the afore mentioned.

So, the commercial is being told by a girl. When she was a child this girl wanted nothing more than to be a sword fighter. She practiced day in and day out, at one point she is shown with her toothbrush fighting the mirror. Oral hygiene and dreams, this kid is going far. She finally received her first fencing sword for Christmas and boy was she happy. It then fast forwards to present day and shows her winning some fandangled fencing competition and she's there with her mom and all is well in the world.

Fade to black. Then the tagline for the commerical pops up. Prepare yourself to be inspired.

Oh, did I say inspired. I meant un-inspired, taken down a notch, just sit your ass down and stop trying to be somebody. Who the hell do you think you are?
Way to go advertising company, way to inspire our kids to do the bare minimum, to be average. I wish the tagline was "Have Common Sense". I'd rather people have more common sense than to just be competent.
How about:
Maybe something obvious like:
This works for me:
And then just to get the point across:

Basically, all that trying you've been doing is a waste of time and energy. All the world really wants from you is to function basically day to day.

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I love it when you say things to me that reinforce me positively. So...carry on then, do that thing. Lastly, capital hat!